The follow-up story I heard from Clara last week was that she spent all day one day reading my blog, and then her roommate and some friends came over in the evening to go somewhere and she was like "I can't, I'm reading this" and they were like "Reading what?" and she read some out loud for them and then they all stayed in reading it instead of going somewhere. So she and three other people were gushing about it to me and all I could do was blush and say thank you and then brag about it on my blog which they will undoubtedly read again and create a vicious cycle. It was probably the second most flattering reaction I've ever gotten to my writing; the first, which will be difficult to top, was when Emily squealed like a twelve year old meeting Justin Bieber when I handed her a draft of a short story to read. It was this story, which I don't think is that good but oh well. Anyway, Clara's only complaint was that she didn't like the Rammstein song I posted because it was too "yelly". I had to explain to her that she's racist because that's just what German people sound like.
Also, I had to email the bishop about some stuff that's been going on in the ward with a certain individual that I've turned a blind eye to for too long, and I put a lot of effort into this email because it needed to include all the pertinent details and for all I know it might show up on MormonLeaks someday. I wrote it out as a narrative, organized chronologically overall but also subdivided by topic so as to give it more coherence, with thoughtfully chosen words and strategically placed paragraph breaks. So the next day, the same day the bishop and one of his counselors both not only thanked me for sharing this issue with them, but also remarked on how well-written it was. Because it's obviously confidential you'll just have to take my/their word for it. Would I lie to you?
Okay, so looking back through my old posts I saw three blank lines in this space. I don't remember what I originally wrote and I have no idea what happened to it. This is annoying for me personally and a heart-wrenching loss for future historians and biographers.
Auralnauts - Darth Trump
One day it came to my attention that Coworker Jess, for obscure reasons beyond my comprehension, is not Drumpf's biggest fan. I don't know what's not to like about such an intelligent and morally upstanding guy, but I try to find common ground with everyone so I was like "Have you seen this video called 'Darth Trump'? It's a bunch of scenes from Star Wars with Darth Vader's voice dubbed over by Trump quotes." And she said she would watch it, but she forgot, and that set the pattern for the next few months. It really isn't even that good to justify the hype that was getting built up over this timer period, but eventually she gave herself an ultimatum and swore on her life that she would watch it. Hoping she understood the gravity of such a commitment, I asked, "Are you saying that if you don't watch it, I'm supposed to kill you?" She said that's exactly what she was saying.
She forgot again. This put me in a very awkward position because, as much as I've wanted to sometimes, I've never killed anyone on purpose. Don't ask about the other instances because my lawyer has advised me not to discuss them at this time. But, you know, she made a vow with full understanding of what she was getting into and now for the sake of her own honor I was obligated to help her go through with it. I already failed years ago to break my friend Cece's pinkies after she forgot to fulfill a pinky promise, so she lost her honor, and I didn't want to make a mistake like that ever again. But I chickened out and gave her another day even though I shouldn't have. This time she had the brilliant idea to put a reminder in her phone, and she remembered to watch it, and I asked if it had been worth the wait and she said "Yeah, but actually I've never seen Star Wars, so a lot of it went over my head, but it was still good though." Oh. Okay then.
The video is from December 2015, long before Drumpf became the nominee, and seems to treat his campaign as an ill-fated joke. After how events have transpired since then, one could perhaps point and laugh derisively at it for being so wrong. But here's the thing: his campaign should have been an ill-fated joke, and the fact that it wasn't is not something to be proud of by any stretch of the imagination. I was being sarcastic earlier when I called him an intelligent and morally upstanding guy. He's actually an embarrassment to his party and to this nation. Just be glad this video was made before his "locker room talk" comments (made as a young and foolish 59-year-old) became public, so they aren't included. Auralnauts also do amusing dubs of the Star Wars movies re-envisioned as a conflict between the drug-abusing dance-loving party animal Jedi and the responsible businessman Palpatine who's tired of them ruining his franchise with their antics.
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About the Author
C. Randall Nicholson is a white cisgender male and a Latter-day Saint, so you can hate him without guilt, but he's also autistic, so you can't. Unless you're an anti-vaxxer, in which case the feeling is mutual. This blog is where he periodically rants about life, the universe, and/or everything.