Just six years before I was born, LDS Church President Ezra Taft Benson gave this fireside talk that sent ripples throughout the church for decades to come. The church alternately responded with damage control, doubling down, and at last quietly abandoning the more sexist doctrines espoused in the talk. In 2017 LDS historian Kate Holbrook described it as "the most important moment in this history that helps explain where we were until the last 10 to 20 years." In other words, the most important moment that helps explain why Utah has ranked last among the United States for women's equality several years in a row.
To the Mothers in Zion
President Ezra Taft Benson
February 22, 1987
"There is no theme I would rather speak to than home and family, for they are at the very heart of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Church, in large part, exists for the salvation and exaltation of the family.
"At a recent general priesthood meeting, I spoke directly to the young men of the Aaronic Priesthood regarding their duties and responsibilities. Shortly thereafter, at a general women’s conference, I spoke to the young women of the Church, discussing their opportunities and their sacred callings.
"Tonight, at this fireside for parents, seeking the sweet inspiration of heaven, I would like to speak directly to the mothers assembled here and throughout the Church, for you are, or should be, the very heart and soul of the family.
"No more sacred word exists in secular or holy writ than that of mother. There is no more noble work than that of a good and God-fearing mother.
"This evening I pay tribute to the mothers in Zion and pray with all my heart that what I have to say to you will be understood by the Spirit and will lift and bless your lives in your sacred callings as mothers.
"President David O. McKay declared: 'Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world.'
"President McKay continues: 'Motherhood consists of three principal attributes or qualities: namely, (1) the power to bear, (2) the ability to rear, (3) the gift to love....
'This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come,... deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God' (Gospel Ideals, 452–54).
'With all my heart I endorse the words of President McKay.
"In the eternal family, God established that fathers are to preside in the home. Fathers are to provide, to love, to teach, and to direct.
"But a mother’s role is also God-ordained. Mothers are to conceive, to bear, to nourish, to love, and to train. So declare the revelations.
"In section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord states that the opportunity and responsibility of wives is 'to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified' (D&C 132:63).
"With this divine injunction, husbands and wives, as co-creators, should eagerly and prayerfully invite children into their homes. Then, as each child joins their family circle, they can gratefully exclaim, as did Hannah, 'For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him: Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord: as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord' (1 Samuel 1:27–28).
"Isn’t that beautiful? A mother praying to bear a child and then giving him to the Lord.
"I have always loved the words of Solomon: 'Children are an heritage of the Lord: and... happy is the man [and woman] that hath [their] quiver full of them' (Psalm 127:3–5).
"I know the special blessings of a large and happy family, for my dear parents had a quiver full of children. Being the oldest of eleven children, I saw the principles of unselfishness, mutual consideration, loyalty to each other, and a host of other virtues developed in a large and wonderful family with my noble mother as the queen of that home.
"Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with our Father in Heaven.
"Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, 'We’ll wait until we can better afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his education, until he has a better-paying job, until we have a larger home, until we’ve obtained a few of the material conveniences,' and on and on.
"This is the reasoning of the world, and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Mothers who enjoy good health, have your children and have them early. And, husbands, always be considerate of your wives in the bearing of children.
"Do not curtail the number of your children for personal or selfish reasons. Material possessions, social convenience, and so-called professional advantages are nothing compared to a righteous posterity. In the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels.
"Brigham Young emphasized: 'There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can' (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1954], p. 197).
"Yes, blessed is the husband and wife who have a family of children. The deepest joys and blessings in life are associated with family, parenthood, and sacrifice. To have those sweet spirits come into the home is worth practically any sacrifice.
"The deepest joys and blessings in life are associated with family, parenthood, and sacrifice.
"We realize that some women, through no fault of their own, are not able to bear children. To these lovely sisters, every prophet of God has promised that they will be blessed with children in the eternities and that posterity will not be denied them.
"Through pure faith, pleading prayers, fasting, and special priesthood blessings, many of these same lovely sisters, with their noble companions at their sides, have had miracles take place in their lives and have been blessed with children. Others have prayerfully chosen to adopt children, and to these wonderful couples we salute you for the sacrifices and love you have given to those children you have chosen to be your own.
"Now, my dear mothers, knowing of your divine role to bear and rear children and bring them back to Him, how will you accomplish this in the Lord’s way? I say the 'Lord’s way,' because it is different from the world’s way.
"The Lord clearly defined the roles of mothers and fathers in providing for and rearing a righteous posterity. In the beginning, Adam—not Eve—was instructed to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother’s calling is in the home, not in the marketplace.
"Again, in the Doctrine and Covenants, we read: 'Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken' (D&C 83:2). This is the divine right of a wife and mother. She cares for and nourishes her children at home. Her husband earns the living for the family, which makes this nourishing possible. With that claim on their husbands for their financial support, the counsel of the Church has always been for mothers to spend their full time in the home in rearing and caring for their children.
"We realize also that some of our choice sisters are widowed and divorced and that others find themselves in unusual circumstances where, out of necessity, they are required to work for a period of time. But these instances are the exception, not the rule.
"In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect their wives to go out of the home and work even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting will have to be tighter.
"Our beloved prophet Spencer W. Kimball had much to say about the role of mothers in the home and their callings and responsibilities. I am impressed tonight to share with you some of his inspired pronouncements. I fear that much of his counsel has gone unheeded, and families have suffered because of it. But I stand this evening as a second witness to the truthfulness of what President Spencer W. Kimball said. He spoke as a true prophet of God.
"President Kimball declared: 'Women are to take care of the family—the Lord has so stated—to be an assistant to the husband, to work with him, but not to earn the living, except in unusual circumstances. Men ought to be men indeed and earn the living under normal circumstances' (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball,... p. 318).
"President Kimball continues: 'Too many mothers work away from home to furnish sweaters and music lessons and trips and fun for their children. Too many women spend their time in socializing, in politicking, in public services when they should be home to teach and train and receive and love their children into security' (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 319).
"Remember the counsel of President Kimball to John and Mary: 'Mary, you are to become a career woman in the greatest career on earth—that of homemaker, wife, and mother. It was never intended by the Lord that married women should compete with men in employment. They have a far greater and more important service to render' (Faith Precedes the Miracle [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1975], p. 128).
"Again President Kimball speaks: 'The husband is expected to support his family and only in an emergency should a wife secure outside employment. Her place is in the home, to build the home into a heaven of delight.
'Numerous divorces can be traced directly to the day when the wife left the home and went out into the world into employment. Two incomes raise the standard of living beyond its norm. Two spouses working prevent the complete and proper home life, break into the family prayers, create an independence which is not cooperative, causes distortion, limits the family, and frustrates the children already born' (fireside address, San Antonio, Texas, 3 Dec. 1977).
"Finally, President Kimball counsels: 'I beg of you, you who could and should be bearing and rearing a family: wives, come home from the typewriter, the laundry, the nursing, come home from the factory, the café. No career approaches in importance that of wife, homemaker, mother—cooking meals, washing dishes, making beds for one’s precious husband and children. Come home, wives, to your husbands. Make home a heaven for them. Come home, wives, to your children, born and unborn. Wrap the motherly cloak about you and, unembarrassed, help in a major role to create the bodies for the immortal souls who anxiously await.
'When you have fully complemented your husband in home life and borne the children, growing up full of faith, integrity, responsibility, and goodness, then you have achieved your accomplishment supreme, without peer, and you will be the envy [of all] through time and eternity' (fireside address, San Antonio, Texas).
"President Kimball spoke the truth. His words are prophetic.
"No career approaches in importance that of wife, homemaker, mother.
"Mothers in Zion, your God-given roles are so vital to your own exaltation and to the salvation and exaltation of your family. A child needs a mother more than all the things money can buy. Spending time with your children is the greatest gift of all.
"With love in my heart for the mothers in Zion, I would now like to suggest ten specific ways our mothers may spend effective time with their children.
"Be at the Crossroads. First, take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going—when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen. In Proverbs we read, 'A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame' (Proverbs 29:15). Among the greatest concerns in our society are the millions of latchkey children who come home daily to empty houses, unsupervised by working parents.
"Be a Real Friend. Second, mothers, take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unrushed one-on-one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children.
"Read to Your Children. Third, mothers, take time to read to your children. Starting from the cradle, read to your sons and daughters. Remember what the poet said:
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be--
I had a mother who read to me.
(Strickland Gillilan, 'The Reading Mother.')
"You will plant a love for good literature and a real love for the scriptures if you will read to your children regularly.
"Pray with Your Children. Fourth, take time to pray with your children. Family prayers, under the direction of the father, should be held morning and night. Have your children feel of your faith as you call down the blessings of heaven upon them. Paraphrasing the words of James, 'The... fervent prayer of a righteous [mother] availeth much' (James 5:16). Have your children participate in family and personal prayers, and rejoice in their sweet utterances to their Father in Heaven.
"Have Weekly Home Evenings. Fifth, take time to have a meaningful weekly home evening. With your husband presiding, participate in a spiritual and an uplifting home evening each week. Have your children actively involved. Teach them correct principles. Make this one of your great family traditions. Remember the marvelous promise made by President Joseph F. Smith when home evenings were first introduced to the Church: 'If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them' (James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 vols. [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75], 4:339). This wonderful promise is still in effect today.
"Be Together at Mealtimes. Sixth, take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible. This is a challenge as the children get older and lives get busier. But happy conversation, sharing of the day’s plans and activities, and special teaching moments occur at mealtime because mothers and fathers and children work at it.
"Read Scriptures Daily. Seventh, take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family. Individual scripture reading is important, but family scripture reading is vital. Reading the Book of Mormon together as a family will especially bring increased spirituality into your home and will give both parents and children the power to resist temptation and to have the Holy Ghost as their constant companion. I promise you that the Book of Mormon will change the lives of your family.
"Do Things as a Family. Eighth, take time to do things together as a family. Make family outings and picnics and birthday celebrations and trips special times and memory builders. Whenever possible, attend, as a family, events where one of the family members is involved, such as a school play, a ball game, a talk, a recital. Attend church meetings together and sit together as a family when you can. Mothers who help families pray and play together will stay together and will bless children’s lives forever.
"Teach Your Children. Ninth, mothers, take time to teach your children. Catch the teaching moments. This can be done anytime during the day—at mealtime, in casual settings, or at special sit-down times together, at the foot of the bed at the end of the day, or during an early morning walk together. Mothers, you are your children’s best teacher. Don’t shift this precious responsibility to day-care centers or baby-sitters. A mother’s love and prayerful concern for the children are her most important ingredients in teaching her own.
"Teach children gospel principles. Teach them it pays to be good. Teach them there is no safety in sin. Teach them a love for the gospel of Jesus Christ and a testimony of its divinity.
Teach your sons and daughters modesty, and teach them to respect manhood and womanhood. Teach your children sexual purity, proper dating standards, temple marriage, missionary service, and the importance of accepting and magnifying Church callings.
"Teach them a love for work and the value of a good education.
"Teach them the importance of the right kind of entertainment, including appropriate movies and videos and music and books and magazines. Discuss the evils of pornography and drugs, and teach them the value of living the clean life.
"Yes, mothers, teach your children the gospel in your own home, at your own fireside. This is the most effective teaching that your children will ever receive. This is the Lord’s way of teaching. The Church cannot teach like you can. The school cannot. The day-care center cannot. But you can, and the Lord will sustain you. Your children will remember your teachings forever, and when they are old, they will not depart from them. They will call you blessed—their truly angel mother.
"Mothers, this kind of heavenly, motherly teaching takes time—lots of time. It cannot be done effectively part-time. It must be done all the time in order to save and exalt your children. This is your divine calling.
"Truly Love Your Children. Tenth and finally, mothers, take the time to truly love your children. A mother’s unqualified love approaches Christlike love.
"Here is a beautiful tribute by a son to his mother: 'I don’t remember much about her views of voting nor her social prestige; and what her ideas on child training, diet, and eugenics were, I cannot recall. The main thing that sifts back to me now through the thick undergrowth of years is that she loved me. She liked to lie on the grass with me and tell stories, or to run and hide with us children. She was always hugging me. And I liked it. She had a sunny face. To me it was like God, and all the beatitudes saints tell of Him. And Sing! Of all the sensations pleasurable to my life nothing can compare with the rapture of crawling up into her lap and going to sleep while she swung to and fro in her rocking chair and sang. Thinking of this, I wonder if the woman of today, with all her tremendous notions and plans, realizes what an almighty factor she is in shaping of her child for weal or woe. I wonder if she realizes how much sheer love and attention count for in a child’s life.'
"Mothers, your teenage children also need that same kind of love and attention. It seems easier for many mothers and fathers to express and show their love to their children when they are young, but more difficult when they are older. Work at this prayerfully. There need be no generation gap. And the key is love. Our young people need love and attention, not indulgence. They need empathy and understanding, not indifference from mothers and fathers. They need the parents’ time. A mother’s kindly teachings and her love for and confidence in a teenage son or daughter can literally save them from a wicked world.
"In closing, I would be remiss this evening if I did not express my love and eternal gratitude for my sweetheart and companion and the mother of our six children. Her devotion to motherhood has blessed me and our family beyond words of expression. She has been a marvelous mother, completely and happily devoting her life and her mission to her family. How grateful I am for Flora!
"May I also express my gratitude to you fathers and husbands assembled this evening. We look to you to give righteous leadership in your home and families and, with your companions and the mothers of your children, to lead your families back to our Eternal Father.
"Now God bless our wonderful mothers. We pray for you. We sustain you. We honor you as you bear, nourish, train, teach, and love for eternity. I promise you the blessings of heaven and “all that [the] Father hath” (see D&C 84:38) as you magnify the noblest calling of all—a mother in Zion. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
"At a recent general priesthood meeting, I spoke directly to the young men of the Aaronic Priesthood regarding their duties and responsibilities. Shortly thereafter, at a general women’s conference, I spoke to the young women of the Church, discussing their opportunities and their sacred callings.
"Tonight, at this fireside for parents, seeking the sweet inspiration of heaven, I would like to speak directly to the mothers assembled here and throughout the Church, for you are, or should be, the very heart and soul of the family.
"No more sacred word exists in secular or holy writ than that of mother. There is no more noble work than that of a good and God-fearing mother.
"This evening I pay tribute to the mothers in Zion and pray with all my heart that what I have to say to you will be understood by the Spirit and will lift and bless your lives in your sacred callings as mothers.
"President David O. McKay declared: 'Motherhood is the greatest potential influence either for good or ill in human life. The mother’s image is the first that stamps itself on the unwritten page of the young child’s mind. It is her caress that first awakens a sense of security; her kiss, the first realization of affection; her sympathy and tenderness, the first assurance that there is love in the world.'
"President McKay continues: 'Motherhood consists of three principal attributes or qualities: namely, (1) the power to bear, (2) the ability to rear, (3) the gift to love....
'This ability and willingness properly to rear children, the gift to love, and eagerness, yes, longing to express it in soul development, make motherhood the noblest office or calling in the world. She who can paint a masterpiece or write a book that will influence millions deserves the admiration and the plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose influence will be felt through generations to come,... deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God' (Gospel Ideals, 452–54).
'With all my heart I endorse the words of President McKay.
"In the eternal family, God established that fathers are to preside in the home. Fathers are to provide, to love, to teach, and to direct.
"But a mother’s role is also God-ordained. Mothers are to conceive, to bear, to nourish, to love, and to train. So declare the revelations.
"In section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants, the Lord states that the opportunity and responsibility of wives is 'to multiply and replenish the earth, according to my commandment, and to fulfil the promise which was given by my Father before the foundation of the world, and for their exaltation in the eternal worlds, that they may bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of my Father continued, that he may be glorified' (D&C 132:63).
"With this divine injunction, husbands and wives, as co-creators, should eagerly and prayerfully invite children into their homes. Then, as each child joins their family circle, they can gratefully exclaim, as did Hannah, 'For this child I prayed; and the Lord hath given me my petition which I asked of him: Therefore also I have lent him to the Lord: as long as he liveth he shall be lent to the Lord' (1 Samuel 1:27–28).
"Isn’t that beautiful? A mother praying to bear a child and then giving him to the Lord.
"I have always loved the words of Solomon: 'Children are an heritage of the Lord: and... happy is the man [and woman] that hath [their] quiver full of them' (Psalm 127:3–5).
"I know the special blessings of a large and happy family, for my dear parents had a quiver full of children. Being the oldest of eleven children, I saw the principles of unselfishness, mutual consideration, loyalty to each other, and a host of other virtues developed in a large and wonderful family with my noble mother as the queen of that home.
"Young mothers and fathers, with all my heart I counsel you not to postpone having your children, being co-creators with our Father in Heaven.
"Do not use the reasoning of the world, such as, 'We’ll wait until we can better afford having children, until we are more secure, until John has completed his education, until he has a better-paying job, until we have a larger home, until we’ve obtained a few of the material conveniences,' and on and on.
"This is the reasoning of the world, and is not pleasing in the sight of God. Mothers who enjoy good health, have your children and have them early. And, husbands, always be considerate of your wives in the bearing of children.
"Do not curtail the number of your children for personal or selfish reasons. Material possessions, social convenience, and so-called professional advantages are nothing compared to a righteous posterity. In the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels.
"Brigham Young emphasized: 'There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can' (Discourses of Brigham Young, sel. John A. Widtsoe [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1954], p. 197).
"Yes, blessed is the husband and wife who have a family of children. The deepest joys and blessings in life are associated with family, parenthood, and sacrifice. To have those sweet spirits come into the home is worth practically any sacrifice.
"The deepest joys and blessings in life are associated with family, parenthood, and sacrifice.
"We realize that some women, through no fault of their own, are not able to bear children. To these lovely sisters, every prophet of God has promised that they will be blessed with children in the eternities and that posterity will not be denied them.
"Through pure faith, pleading prayers, fasting, and special priesthood blessings, many of these same lovely sisters, with their noble companions at their sides, have had miracles take place in their lives and have been blessed with children. Others have prayerfully chosen to adopt children, and to these wonderful couples we salute you for the sacrifices and love you have given to those children you have chosen to be your own.
"Now, my dear mothers, knowing of your divine role to bear and rear children and bring them back to Him, how will you accomplish this in the Lord’s way? I say the 'Lord’s way,' because it is different from the world’s way.
"The Lord clearly defined the roles of mothers and fathers in providing for and rearing a righteous posterity. In the beginning, Adam—not Eve—was instructed to earn the bread by the sweat of his brow. Contrary to conventional wisdom, a mother’s calling is in the home, not in the marketplace.
"Again, in the Doctrine and Covenants, we read: 'Women have claim on their husbands for their maintenance, until their husbands are taken' (D&C 83:2). This is the divine right of a wife and mother. She cares for and nourishes her children at home. Her husband earns the living for the family, which makes this nourishing possible. With that claim on their husbands for their financial support, the counsel of the Church has always been for mothers to spend their full time in the home in rearing and caring for their children.
"We realize also that some of our choice sisters are widowed and divorced and that others find themselves in unusual circumstances where, out of necessity, they are required to work for a period of time. But these instances are the exception, not the rule.
"In a home where there is an able-bodied husband, he is expected to be the breadwinner. Sometimes we hear of husbands who, because of economic conditions, have lost their jobs and expect their wives to go out of the home and work even though the husband is still capable of providing for his family. In these cases, we urge the husband to do all in his power to allow his wife to remain in the home caring for the children while he continues to provide for his family the best he can, even though the job he is able to secure may not be ideal and family budgeting will have to be tighter.
"Our beloved prophet Spencer W. Kimball had much to say about the role of mothers in the home and their callings and responsibilities. I am impressed tonight to share with you some of his inspired pronouncements. I fear that much of his counsel has gone unheeded, and families have suffered because of it. But I stand this evening as a second witness to the truthfulness of what President Spencer W. Kimball said. He spoke as a true prophet of God.
"President Kimball declared: 'Women are to take care of the family—the Lord has so stated—to be an assistant to the husband, to work with him, but not to earn the living, except in unusual circumstances. Men ought to be men indeed and earn the living under normal circumstances' (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball,... p. 318).
"President Kimball continues: 'Too many mothers work away from home to furnish sweaters and music lessons and trips and fun for their children. Too many women spend their time in socializing, in politicking, in public services when they should be home to teach and train and receive and love their children into security' (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, p. 319).
"Remember the counsel of President Kimball to John and Mary: 'Mary, you are to become a career woman in the greatest career on earth—that of homemaker, wife, and mother. It was never intended by the Lord that married women should compete with men in employment. They have a far greater and more important service to render' (Faith Precedes the Miracle [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1975], p. 128).
"Again President Kimball speaks: 'The husband is expected to support his family and only in an emergency should a wife secure outside employment. Her place is in the home, to build the home into a heaven of delight.
'Numerous divorces can be traced directly to the day when the wife left the home and went out into the world into employment. Two incomes raise the standard of living beyond its norm. Two spouses working prevent the complete and proper home life, break into the family prayers, create an independence which is not cooperative, causes distortion, limits the family, and frustrates the children already born' (fireside address, San Antonio, Texas, 3 Dec. 1977).
"Finally, President Kimball counsels: 'I beg of you, you who could and should be bearing and rearing a family: wives, come home from the typewriter, the laundry, the nursing, come home from the factory, the café. No career approaches in importance that of wife, homemaker, mother—cooking meals, washing dishes, making beds for one’s precious husband and children. Come home, wives, to your husbands. Make home a heaven for them. Come home, wives, to your children, born and unborn. Wrap the motherly cloak about you and, unembarrassed, help in a major role to create the bodies for the immortal souls who anxiously await.
'When you have fully complemented your husband in home life and borne the children, growing up full of faith, integrity, responsibility, and goodness, then you have achieved your accomplishment supreme, without peer, and you will be the envy [of all] through time and eternity' (fireside address, San Antonio, Texas).
"President Kimball spoke the truth. His words are prophetic.
"No career approaches in importance that of wife, homemaker, mother.
"Mothers in Zion, your God-given roles are so vital to your own exaltation and to the salvation and exaltation of your family. A child needs a mother more than all the things money can buy. Spending time with your children is the greatest gift of all.
"With love in my heart for the mothers in Zion, I would now like to suggest ten specific ways our mothers may spend effective time with their children.
"Be at the Crossroads. First, take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going—when they leave and return from school, when they leave and return from dates, when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen. In Proverbs we read, 'A child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame' (Proverbs 29:15). Among the greatest concerns in our society are the millions of latchkey children who come home daily to empty houses, unsupervised by working parents.
"Be a Real Friend. Second, mothers, take time to be a real friend to your children. Listen to your children, really listen. Talk with them, laugh and joke with them, sing with them, play with them, cry with them, hug them, honestly praise them. Yes, regularly spend unrushed one-on-one time with each child. Be a real friend to your children.
"Read to Your Children. Third, mothers, take time to read to your children. Starting from the cradle, read to your sons and daughters. Remember what the poet said:
You may have tangible wealth untold;
Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.
Richer than I you can never be--
I had a mother who read to me.
(Strickland Gillilan, 'The Reading Mother.')
"You will plant a love for good literature and a real love for the scriptures if you will read to your children regularly.
"Pray with Your Children. Fourth, take time to pray with your children. Family prayers, under the direction of the father, should be held morning and night. Have your children feel of your faith as you call down the blessings of heaven upon them. Paraphrasing the words of James, 'The... fervent prayer of a righteous [mother] availeth much' (James 5:16). Have your children participate in family and personal prayers, and rejoice in their sweet utterances to their Father in Heaven.
"Have Weekly Home Evenings. Fifth, take time to have a meaningful weekly home evening. With your husband presiding, participate in a spiritual and an uplifting home evening each week. Have your children actively involved. Teach them correct principles. Make this one of your great family traditions. Remember the marvelous promise made by President Joseph F. Smith when home evenings were first introduced to the Church: 'If the Saints obey this counsel, we promise that great blessings will result. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, and they will gain power to combat the evil influence and temptations which beset them' (James R. Clark, comp., Messages of the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 6 vols. [Salt Lake City: Bookcraft, 1965–75], 4:339). This wonderful promise is still in effect today.
"Be Together at Mealtimes. Sixth, take time to be together at mealtimes as often as possible. This is a challenge as the children get older and lives get busier. But happy conversation, sharing of the day’s plans and activities, and special teaching moments occur at mealtime because mothers and fathers and children work at it.
"Read Scriptures Daily. Seventh, take time daily to read the scriptures together as a family. Individual scripture reading is important, but family scripture reading is vital. Reading the Book of Mormon together as a family will especially bring increased spirituality into your home and will give both parents and children the power to resist temptation and to have the Holy Ghost as their constant companion. I promise you that the Book of Mormon will change the lives of your family.
"Do Things as a Family. Eighth, take time to do things together as a family. Make family outings and picnics and birthday celebrations and trips special times and memory builders. Whenever possible, attend, as a family, events where one of the family members is involved, such as a school play, a ball game, a talk, a recital. Attend church meetings together and sit together as a family when you can. Mothers who help families pray and play together will stay together and will bless children’s lives forever.
"Teach Your Children. Ninth, mothers, take time to teach your children. Catch the teaching moments. This can be done anytime during the day—at mealtime, in casual settings, or at special sit-down times together, at the foot of the bed at the end of the day, or during an early morning walk together. Mothers, you are your children’s best teacher. Don’t shift this precious responsibility to day-care centers or baby-sitters. A mother’s love and prayerful concern for the children are her most important ingredients in teaching her own.
"Teach children gospel principles. Teach them it pays to be good. Teach them there is no safety in sin. Teach them a love for the gospel of Jesus Christ and a testimony of its divinity.
Teach your sons and daughters modesty, and teach them to respect manhood and womanhood. Teach your children sexual purity, proper dating standards, temple marriage, missionary service, and the importance of accepting and magnifying Church callings.
"Teach them a love for work and the value of a good education.
"Teach them the importance of the right kind of entertainment, including appropriate movies and videos and music and books and magazines. Discuss the evils of pornography and drugs, and teach them the value of living the clean life.
"Yes, mothers, teach your children the gospel in your own home, at your own fireside. This is the most effective teaching that your children will ever receive. This is the Lord’s way of teaching. The Church cannot teach like you can. The school cannot. The day-care center cannot. But you can, and the Lord will sustain you. Your children will remember your teachings forever, and when they are old, they will not depart from them. They will call you blessed—their truly angel mother.
"Mothers, this kind of heavenly, motherly teaching takes time—lots of time. It cannot be done effectively part-time. It must be done all the time in order to save and exalt your children. This is your divine calling.
"Truly Love Your Children. Tenth and finally, mothers, take the time to truly love your children. A mother’s unqualified love approaches Christlike love.
"Here is a beautiful tribute by a son to his mother: 'I don’t remember much about her views of voting nor her social prestige; and what her ideas on child training, diet, and eugenics were, I cannot recall. The main thing that sifts back to me now through the thick undergrowth of years is that she loved me. She liked to lie on the grass with me and tell stories, or to run and hide with us children. She was always hugging me. And I liked it. She had a sunny face. To me it was like God, and all the beatitudes saints tell of Him. And Sing! Of all the sensations pleasurable to my life nothing can compare with the rapture of crawling up into her lap and going to sleep while she swung to and fro in her rocking chair and sang. Thinking of this, I wonder if the woman of today, with all her tremendous notions and plans, realizes what an almighty factor she is in shaping of her child for weal or woe. I wonder if she realizes how much sheer love and attention count for in a child’s life.'
"Mothers, your teenage children also need that same kind of love and attention. It seems easier for many mothers and fathers to express and show their love to their children when they are young, but more difficult when they are older. Work at this prayerfully. There need be no generation gap. And the key is love. Our young people need love and attention, not indulgence. They need empathy and understanding, not indifference from mothers and fathers. They need the parents’ time. A mother’s kindly teachings and her love for and confidence in a teenage son or daughter can literally save them from a wicked world.
"In closing, I would be remiss this evening if I did not express my love and eternal gratitude for my sweetheart and companion and the mother of our six children. Her devotion to motherhood has blessed me and our family beyond words of expression. She has been a marvelous mother, completely and happily devoting her life and her mission to her family. How grateful I am for Flora!
"May I also express my gratitude to you fathers and husbands assembled this evening. We look to you to give righteous leadership in your home and families and, with your companions and the mothers of your children, to lead your families back to our Eternal Father.
"Now God bless our wonderful mothers. We pray for you. We sustain you. We honor you as you bear, nourish, train, teach, and love for eternity. I promise you the blessings of heaven and “all that [the] Father hath” (see D&C 84:38) as you magnify the noblest calling of all—a mother in Zion. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
"Prophet's Talk Prompts Examination of Role of Women," in Sunstone
March 1987
"The satellite-broadcast speech immediately prompted widespread discussion throughout the Church, especially in the intermountain area where members who missed the fireside could watch or listen to recordings friends made from the local broadcast on BYU’s radio and television stations.
"The Church received numerous telephone calls about the speech and along Utah’s Wasatch Front some mothers quit their jobs, prompting exaggerated rumors about large numbers of working mothers quitting work at the Church Office Building.
"The following Sunday’s church services became forums for discussion in Relief Society and priesthood meetings, and many monthly testimony meetings witnessed comments on the talk. At one stake conference, the stake president mentioned the prophet’s points; then, with an ambiguous smile, he counseled his members to 'adjust them into our lives until we feel comfortable with them.'
"Other members also emphasized the role of personal revelation or viewed the prophet’s comments as a goal. 'He’s talking about what would be a wonderful ideal, but it’s an ideal few people are able to realize,' said Mary Stovall, director of the Womens Research Center at BYU. 'What his talk hopefully will do is help people re-evaluate the situation. Are they giving enough time to their family?'
"People who wanted to know what the fuss was about found little cause for controversy in the Church News account of Benson’s talk, which left out the debated quotes and emphasized that his counsel applied to both parents, not just mothers.
'It is going to be an extremely wrenching experience for Mormon families to implement that teaching in their lives,' said Carlfred Broderick, director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Center at the University of Southern California. Broderick, who was quoted in an Associated Press news story, added 'It’s easier to deal with guilt than to do without the income.'
However, others welcomed the president’s address. ’A firm statement was needed to get the people’s attention,' said Bryce Christensen, editor of Family Newsletter. 'If he had used too many qualifiers and concessions to the spirit of the times, his message would have been dismissed. Instead of looking for a million excuses to evade what the prophet is saying, LDS intellectuals ought to be looking for ways to deal with the unprecedented economic and cultural pressures causing women to enter the work force.'
"A 1981 Church-sponsored study indicates that 40 percent of all LDS women work and an additional 6 percent are looking for work. Of mothers with school-age children, 57 percent work either full- or part-time.
"Not surprisingly, some of the most intense discussions took place at Brigham Young University, where childbearing-age women pursue career-oriented studies. Some counselors in the Office of Student Life told the flood of women students who asked whether the Church wanted them to leave the university that they should seek personal revelation to guide them in applying the prophet’s instructions.
"The debate was particularly intense in the BYU law school, where women students are obviously preparing for a vocation and not just obtaining emergency backup skills. Moreover, the men are often supported by working wives, who may have consciously delayed having children until after graduation. Before the intense feelings subsided and regular study habits resumed, an open meeting of professors and students was held to discuss how to put the prophet’s counsel in the context of all other Church teachings and expectations.
'This kind of experience illustrates the value of having a law school at BYU,' said Law School Dean Bruce Hafen. 'Here the prolessors share their commitment to the church and explain how they try to apply its counsel.' Hafen said that the Church’s goal is to 'solidify the family;' he feels his students understand the Church’s concerns and work not to neglect their children.
"Although many people felt that President Benson had simply reiterated the Church’s long-standing position that, ideally, women who are raising children should remain in the home, the ensuing heated discussion was markedly different from the apparent equanimity with which members had received President Kimball’s similar statements on the issue.
"The divisive feelings aroused by the talk were amply evident at the BYU Women’s Conference, held March 12-13 and attended by 5,000 LDS women from around the United States.
"Probably aware of the distance between President Benson’s comments and the 'Diversity in Works, Unity in Faith' conference theme, BYU President Jeffrey R. Holland attempted to bridge the gap in his welcoming comments. He affirmed that BYU was a 'place for and a symbol of growth and development and learning, including and especially for women.' Using a U.S. Constitution bicentennial theme he described the extension of rights to all and said there is still important work to do, in a tone that implied he was referring to the rights of women.
"Holland reminded the audience of President Benson’s commitment to defending constitutional principles and then said, 'Recently he has also counseled us to protect the freedoms-and futures- of our children.'
"Holland then discussed the problems confronting children and adults today as they exercise their freedom of choice and quoted President Benson’s 1965 General Conference counsel on the use of personal revelation in decision making: 'Usually the Lord gives us the overall objectives to be accomplished and some guidelines to follow, but he expects us to work out most of the details and methods ourselves. The methods and procedures are usually developed through study and prayer and by living so that we can obtain and follow the promptings of the Spirit.... those spiritually alert look at: the objectives, check the guidelines laid down by the Lord and his prophets, and then prayerfully act - without having to be commanded "in all things."'...
"The panel discussion on 'The Price of Excellence,' which included mothers who are pursuing academic and cultural interests. was the most confrontational session. The discussion elicited angry comments from the audience, including accusations that the panelists were not following the prophet’s counsel to stay home.
"The majority of women attending seemed to enjoy the conference; yet, despite of the intended celebration of diversity while building a united faith, long-time attenders say this was the most divisive women’s conference ever held. Many women attending were critical of the preponderance of career women with degrees who were held up as role models, and occasionally questioned their faith. President Benson’s talk was often used not .just to guide one’s own life but also to judge other’s.
"Some women leaders have expressed concern that the discord among women at the conference is an intimation of a serious schism forming among LDS women and they are saddened at the polarization in a society where charity and sisterhood are stated ideals.
"Since President Benson’s address is now being distributed in pamphlet form, it will continue to be discussed throughout the Church.
"Some insightful comments on the issues concerning the role of women and how to constructively approach them were given in Pat Holland’s Women’s Conference keynote address where she shared her own spiritual struggles with conflicting priorities can help make the dialogue more: constructive. 'I am very appreciative of the added awareness that the women’s movement has given to a gospel principle we have had since Mother Eve and before - that of free agency, the right to choose,' she stated.
"But one of the most unfortunate side effects we have faced in this matter of agency is, because of the increasing diversity of life styles for women today, we seem even more uncertain and less secure with each other. We are getting not closer, but further away from that sense of community and sisterhood that has sustained and given us unique strength for generations. There seems to be an increase in our competitiveness and a decrease in our generosity with one another.
'We simply cannot call ourselves Christian and continue to judge one another - or ourselves - so harshly. No Mason jar of bing cherries is worth a confrontation that robs us of our compassion and sisterhood.
'Obviously the Lord has created us with different personalities, as well as diffe:ring degrees of energy, interest, health, talent, and opportunity. So long as we are committed to righteousness and living a life of faithful devotion, we should celebrate these divine differences, knowing they are a gift from God. We must not feel so frightened; we must not be so threatened and insecure; we must not need to find exact replicas of ourselves in order to feel validated as a woman of worth. There are manly things over which we can be divided, but one thing is needful for our unity - the empathy and compassion of the living Son of God.'
"The Church received numerous telephone calls about the speech and along Utah’s Wasatch Front some mothers quit their jobs, prompting exaggerated rumors about large numbers of working mothers quitting work at the Church Office Building.
"The following Sunday’s church services became forums for discussion in Relief Society and priesthood meetings, and many monthly testimony meetings witnessed comments on the talk. At one stake conference, the stake president mentioned the prophet’s points; then, with an ambiguous smile, he counseled his members to 'adjust them into our lives until we feel comfortable with them.'
"Other members also emphasized the role of personal revelation or viewed the prophet’s comments as a goal. 'He’s talking about what would be a wonderful ideal, but it’s an ideal few people are able to realize,' said Mary Stovall, director of the Womens Research Center at BYU. 'What his talk hopefully will do is help people re-evaluate the situation. Are they giving enough time to their family?'
"People who wanted to know what the fuss was about found little cause for controversy in the Church News account of Benson’s talk, which left out the debated quotes and emphasized that his counsel applied to both parents, not just mothers.
'It is going to be an extremely wrenching experience for Mormon families to implement that teaching in their lives,' said Carlfred Broderick, director of the Marriage and Family Therapy Center at the University of Southern California. Broderick, who was quoted in an Associated Press news story, added 'It’s easier to deal with guilt than to do without the income.'
However, others welcomed the president’s address. ’A firm statement was needed to get the people’s attention,' said Bryce Christensen, editor of Family Newsletter. 'If he had used too many qualifiers and concessions to the spirit of the times, his message would have been dismissed. Instead of looking for a million excuses to evade what the prophet is saying, LDS intellectuals ought to be looking for ways to deal with the unprecedented economic and cultural pressures causing women to enter the work force.'
"A 1981 Church-sponsored study indicates that 40 percent of all LDS women work and an additional 6 percent are looking for work. Of mothers with school-age children, 57 percent work either full- or part-time.
"Not surprisingly, some of the most intense discussions took place at Brigham Young University, where childbearing-age women pursue career-oriented studies. Some counselors in the Office of Student Life told the flood of women students who asked whether the Church wanted them to leave the university that they should seek personal revelation to guide them in applying the prophet’s instructions.
"The debate was particularly intense in the BYU law school, where women students are obviously preparing for a vocation and not just obtaining emergency backup skills. Moreover, the men are often supported by working wives, who may have consciously delayed having children until after graduation. Before the intense feelings subsided and regular study habits resumed, an open meeting of professors and students was held to discuss how to put the prophet’s counsel in the context of all other Church teachings and expectations.
'This kind of experience illustrates the value of having a law school at BYU,' said Law School Dean Bruce Hafen. 'Here the prolessors share their commitment to the church and explain how they try to apply its counsel.' Hafen said that the Church’s goal is to 'solidify the family;' he feels his students understand the Church’s concerns and work not to neglect their children.
"Although many people felt that President Benson had simply reiterated the Church’s long-standing position that, ideally, women who are raising children should remain in the home, the ensuing heated discussion was markedly different from the apparent equanimity with which members had received President Kimball’s similar statements on the issue.
"The divisive feelings aroused by the talk were amply evident at the BYU Women’s Conference, held March 12-13 and attended by 5,000 LDS women from around the United States.
"Probably aware of the distance between President Benson’s comments and the 'Diversity in Works, Unity in Faith' conference theme, BYU President Jeffrey R. Holland attempted to bridge the gap in his welcoming comments. He affirmed that BYU was a 'place for and a symbol of growth and development and learning, including and especially for women.' Using a U.S. Constitution bicentennial theme he described the extension of rights to all and said there is still important work to do, in a tone that implied he was referring to the rights of women.
"Holland reminded the audience of President Benson’s commitment to defending constitutional principles and then said, 'Recently he has also counseled us to protect the freedoms-and futures- of our children.'
"Holland then discussed the problems confronting children and adults today as they exercise their freedom of choice and quoted President Benson’s 1965 General Conference counsel on the use of personal revelation in decision making: 'Usually the Lord gives us the overall objectives to be accomplished and some guidelines to follow, but he expects us to work out most of the details and methods ourselves. The methods and procedures are usually developed through study and prayer and by living so that we can obtain and follow the promptings of the Spirit.... those spiritually alert look at: the objectives, check the guidelines laid down by the Lord and his prophets, and then prayerfully act - without having to be commanded "in all things."'...
"The panel discussion on 'The Price of Excellence,' which included mothers who are pursuing academic and cultural interests. was the most confrontational session. The discussion elicited angry comments from the audience, including accusations that the panelists were not following the prophet’s counsel to stay home.
"The majority of women attending seemed to enjoy the conference; yet, despite of the intended celebration of diversity while building a united faith, long-time attenders say this was the most divisive women’s conference ever held. Many women attending were critical of the preponderance of career women with degrees who were held up as role models, and occasionally questioned their faith. President Benson’s talk was often used not .just to guide one’s own life but also to judge other’s.
"Some women leaders have expressed concern that the discord among women at the conference is an intimation of a serious schism forming among LDS women and they are saddened at the polarization in a society where charity and sisterhood are stated ideals.
"Since President Benson’s address is now being distributed in pamphlet form, it will continue to be discussed throughout the Church.
"Some insightful comments on the issues concerning the role of women and how to constructively approach them were given in Pat Holland’s Women’s Conference keynote address where she shared her own spiritual struggles with conflicting priorities can help make the dialogue more: constructive. 'I am very appreciative of the added awareness that the women’s movement has given to a gospel principle we have had since Mother Eve and before - that of free agency, the right to choose,' she stated.
"But one of the most unfortunate side effects we have faced in this matter of agency is, because of the increasing diversity of life styles for women today, we seem even more uncertain and less secure with each other. We are getting not closer, but further away from that sense of community and sisterhood that has sustained and given us unique strength for generations. There seems to be an increase in our competitiveness and a decrease in our generosity with one another.
'We simply cannot call ourselves Christian and continue to judge one another - or ourselves - so harshly. No Mason jar of bing cherries is worth a confrontation that robs us of our compassion and sisterhood.
'Obviously the Lord has created us with different personalities, as well as diffe:ring degrees of energy, interest, health, talent, and opportunity. So long as we are committed to righteousness and living a life of faithful devotion, we should celebrate these divine differences, knowing they are a gift from God. We must not feel so frightened; we must not be so threatened and insecure; we must not need to find exact replicas of ourselves in order to feel validated as a woman of worth. There are manly things over which we can be divided, but one thing is needful for our unity - the empathy and compassion of the living Son of God.'
Apostle Boyd K. Packer
Talk to the All-Church Coordinating Council
May 18, 1993
"Those who are hurting think they are not understood. They are looking for a champion, an advocate, someone with office and influence from whom they can receive comfort. They ask us to speak about their troubles in general conference, to put something in the curriculum, or to provide a special program to support them in their problems or with their activism.
"When members are hurting, it is so easy to convince ourselves that we are justified, even duty bound, to use the influence of our appointment or our calling to somehow represent them. We then become their advocates -- sympathize with their complaints against the Church, and perhaps even soften the commandments to comfort them. Unwittingly we may turn about and face the wrong way. Then the channels of revelation are reversed. Let me say that again. Then the channels of revelation are reversed. In our efforts to comfort them, we lose our bearings and leave that segment of the line to which we are assigned unprotected. The question is not whether they need help and comfort. That goes without saying. The question is "How?" The Prophet Joseph Smith, when he organized the Relief Society said, "There is the need for decisions of character aside from sympathy."
To illustrate principles which apply to all of these problems, I have taken one common one -- working mothers. President Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk to wives and mothers. There was a reaction within the Church. (Ten years ago, that would not have happened.) That was very interesting, because if you read his talk carefully, it was, for the most part, simply a compilation of quotations on the subject from the prophets who have preceded him.
"Some mothers must work out of the home. There is no other way. And in this they are justified and for this they should not be criticized. We cannot, however, because of their discomfort over their plight, abandon a position that has been taught by the prophets from the beginning of this dispensation. The question then is, 'How can we give solace to those who are justified without giving license to those who are not?'
"The comfort they need is better, for the most part, administered individually. To point out so-called success stories inferring that a career out of the home has no negative effect on a family is an invitation to many to stray from what has been taught by the prophets and thus cause members to reap disappointment by and by."
"When members are hurting, it is so easy to convince ourselves that we are justified, even duty bound, to use the influence of our appointment or our calling to somehow represent them. We then become their advocates -- sympathize with their complaints against the Church, and perhaps even soften the commandments to comfort them. Unwittingly we may turn about and face the wrong way. Then the channels of revelation are reversed. Let me say that again. Then the channels of revelation are reversed. In our efforts to comfort them, we lose our bearings and leave that segment of the line to which we are assigned unprotected. The question is not whether they need help and comfort. That goes without saying. The question is "How?" The Prophet Joseph Smith, when he organized the Relief Society said, "There is the need for decisions of character aside from sympathy."
To illustrate principles which apply to all of these problems, I have taken one common one -- working mothers. President Ezra Taft Benson gave a talk to wives and mothers. There was a reaction within the Church. (Ten years ago, that would not have happened.) That was very interesting, because if you read his talk carefully, it was, for the most part, simply a compilation of quotations on the subject from the prophets who have preceded him.
"Some mothers must work out of the home. There is no other way. And in this they are justified and for this they should not be criticized. We cannot, however, because of their discomfort over their plight, abandon a position that has been taught by the prophets from the beginning of this dispensation. The question then is, 'How can we give solace to those who are justified without giving license to those who are not?'
"The comfort they need is better, for the most part, administered individually. To point out so-called success stories inferring that a career out of the home has no negative effect on a family is an invitation to many to stray from what has been taught by the prophets and thus cause members to reap disappointment by and by."