In Defense of Pedophiles
I hope this title will be controversial enough to get attention. But let me make one thing clear from the outset: I believe that men or women who molest children should be hanged from lampposts. However, most of them are actually situational rather than preferential offenders, meaning that they aren't sexually attracted to children, and therefore by definition aren't pedophiles, but are motivated by other factors. See here for more information since that isn't my main topic of discussion here. What, then, do I mean by "in defense of pedophiles"? I'm going to explain something that should be obvious yet never occurs to most people.
Neither I nor most of the people reading this have ever felt the slightest inclination to do anything sexual with a child in the first place. Clearly, then, there is a difference between us and people who do. They don't wake up one morning and decide "I want to be one of the worst people in the world". Rather, they experience an attraction that, like any other attraction, was never a choice in the first place. In saying this I am in no way condoning or minimizing any sexual actions toward children, which are a choice, any more than explaining why people like money would justify robbing banks. But here's the thing - contrary to what you may assume, the majority of people with that attraction never act on it (see previous link). They're good people in a special kind of hell, and they need and deserve as much empathy as we can give them.
Put yourself in one of their shoes and imagine you have this condition. Since you never act on it and you're not attracted to adults, you'll probably have to remain alone for your entire life. (To be sure, there are some parties working to give it legal protection to act on it, but most people are rightly disgusted and horrified by them and you want no part in that.) And that's not even close to the worst part. The worst part is that you're alone in your struggle as well, because you if you ever mention it to anyone there's a good chance they'll immediately think you deserve to die and rot in hell. You may internalize this and start to believe it yourself. You can't seek professional help very easily, because most psychologists are afraid to be associated with you and might report you even though you've done nothing wrong. Scientists are afraid to even study your condition because of the stigma against it. Doesn't sound like a joyride, does it?
In a controversial op-ed, non-offending pedophile Todd Nickerson wrote: "Those individuals who have the courage to come forward and lay claim to this affliction with the understanding that they only want to use their pedo powers for good should be commended, not hated and feared. You can’t imagine how difficult it is to tell people you’re a pedophile, even a non-offending one, and even if those people are other pedos. Truly, the very concept of a pedophile who neither molests nor wants to molest children is often anathema to people’s way of thinking. The long-held belief that pedophiles are destined to abuse kids is a tough one to overcome, yet many of us get just as upset as - if not more upset than - non-pedophiles when we read accounts of sexual abuse, not only because we hate when one of the little people we love most suffers, but also because, whenever yet another pedophile is arrested, it reinforces the reigning paradigm of the pedo as ticking time bomb... So, please, be understanding and supportive. It’s really all we ask of you. Treat us like people with a massive handicap we must overcome, not as a monster. If we are going to make it in the world without offending, we need your help."
The pedophile friend of mine who got me into this topic in the first place, but wishes to remain anonymous, shared this with me: "When I was 11 or 12 ( around the time puberty started ) I felt a pull towards boys at my school I found attractive. At that age it wasn't sexual, I just wanted to be friends. When I went into middle school I tried everything I could to be popular and hang out with the cute boys. Once I went into high school I found myself masturbating to clothed pics of boys on the web. Eventually the pics got sketchier and ended up being boys in swimsuits. At this time I would never admit that I was attracted to them, I hoped it was some kind of normal phase I was going through.
"When I was seventeen I had a big moment. I was with my dad at the airport when I saw a boy who was probably 11 or 12 and I was very attracted to him. In this moment I thought I couldn't go on living. I said to myself I guess I'm a monster and what's the point of living. I wanted to cry my eyes out right there cause I absolutely hated myself. In that moment God came to me and said he would take care of me and that I had to trust him. It was that moment that I first admitted it to myself. God is awesome, and He's helped me a lot. I have a lot of friends who either don't believe in God or just hate him for making them liked this.
"One way I've learned to cope with this is by talking about it openly and I don't just mean talking about my emotions, I mean talking about boys in a non sexual way.I talk with other pedo's all the time on an IM app. We talk about boys, our feelings, and just life. It taught me that its ok to talk about this stuff with the right people, it took away alot of shame by giving me a place to openly talk about it. But am I ever going to get married? That's the question that I battle with the most lately and honestly I'm just not sure how to effectively cope with that. Honestly one of the hardest thing that I can't seem to find an answer to is what to do when I have a crush on a kid. I can't seem to find a healthy way to release the sexual tension I feel."
Since then, therapy and prayer and supportive friends have made him happier and healthier, though of course his attraction hasn't gone away. He gave an interview with "The Prevention Podcast", a project that seeks to educate people on preventing sexual violence.
Neither I nor most of the people reading this have ever felt the slightest inclination to do anything sexual with a child in the first place. Clearly, then, there is a difference between us and people who do. They don't wake up one morning and decide "I want to be one of the worst people in the world". Rather, they experience an attraction that, like any other attraction, was never a choice in the first place. In saying this I am in no way condoning or minimizing any sexual actions toward children, which are a choice, any more than explaining why people like money would justify robbing banks. But here's the thing - contrary to what you may assume, the majority of people with that attraction never act on it (see previous link). They're good people in a special kind of hell, and they need and deserve as much empathy as we can give them.
Put yourself in one of their shoes and imagine you have this condition. Since you never act on it and you're not attracted to adults, you'll probably have to remain alone for your entire life. (To be sure, there are some parties working to give it legal protection to act on it, but most people are rightly disgusted and horrified by them and you want no part in that.) And that's not even close to the worst part. The worst part is that you're alone in your struggle as well, because you if you ever mention it to anyone there's a good chance they'll immediately think you deserve to die and rot in hell. You may internalize this and start to believe it yourself. You can't seek professional help very easily, because most psychologists are afraid to be associated with you and might report you even though you've done nothing wrong. Scientists are afraid to even study your condition because of the stigma against it. Doesn't sound like a joyride, does it?
In a controversial op-ed, non-offending pedophile Todd Nickerson wrote: "Those individuals who have the courage to come forward and lay claim to this affliction with the understanding that they only want to use their pedo powers for good should be commended, not hated and feared. You can’t imagine how difficult it is to tell people you’re a pedophile, even a non-offending one, and even if those people are other pedos. Truly, the very concept of a pedophile who neither molests nor wants to molest children is often anathema to people’s way of thinking. The long-held belief that pedophiles are destined to abuse kids is a tough one to overcome, yet many of us get just as upset as - if not more upset than - non-pedophiles when we read accounts of sexual abuse, not only because we hate when one of the little people we love most suffers, but also because, whenever yet another pedophile is arrested, it reinforces the reigning paradigm of the pedo as ticking time bomb... So, please, be understanding and supportive. It’s really all we ask of you. Treat us like people with a massive handicap we must overcome, not as a monster. If we are going to make it in the world without offending, we need your help."
The pedophile friend of mine who got me into this topic in the first place, but wishes to remain anonymous, shared this with me: "When I was 11 or 12 ( around the time puberty started ) I felt a pull towards boys at my school I found attractive. At that age it wasn't sexual, I just wanted to be friends. When I went into middle school I tried everything I could to be popular and hang out with the cute boys. Once I went into high school I found myself masturbating to clothed pics of boys on the web. Eventually the pics got sketchier and ended up being boys in swimsuits. At this time I would never admit that I was attracted to them, I hoped it was some kind of normal phase I was going through.
"When I was seventeen I had a big moment. I was with my dad at the airport when I saw a boy who was probably 11 or 12 and I was very attracted to him. In this moment I thought I couldn't go on living. I said to myself I guess I'm a monster and what's the point of living. I wanted to cry my eyes out right there cause I absolutely hated myself. In that moment God came to me and said he would take care of me and that I had to trust him. It was that moment that I first admitted it to myself. God is awesome, and He's helped me a lot. I have a lot of friends who either don't believe in God or just hate him for making them liked this.
"One way I've learned to cope with this is by talking about it openly and I don't just mean talking about my emotions, I mean talking about boys in a non sexual way.I talk with other pedo's all the time on an IM app. We talk about boys, our feelings, and just life. It taught me that its ok to talk about this stuff with the right people, it took away alot of shame by giving me a place to openly talk about it. But am I ever going to get married? That's the question that I battle with the most lately and honestly I'm just not sure how to effectively cope with that. Honestly one of the hardest thing that I can't seem to find an answer to is what to do when I have a crush on a kid. I can't seem to find a healthy way to release the sexual tension I feel."
Since then, therapy and prayer and supportive friends have made him happier and healthier, though of course his attraction hasn't gone away. He gave an interview with "The Prevention Podcast", a project that seeks to educate people on preventing sexual violence.
I created this page in the hope someday, without legalizing sex with children, people will be enlightened and compassionate enough to discuss this sensitive topic openly and not contribute to the misery of many who are miserable enough already. Fortunately, the internet has created an environment where they can find and support each other. Virtuous Pedophiles is the largest such resource. If you struggle with those feelings, know that you are not alone, that there are others like you. I can't possibly understand what it's like or do it justice here, but they do, and God does, and He loves you.
