My uncle, to his credit, is someone with whom I can discuss political and religious topics that his sister just ignores. We respect each other's differences, and I try not to get into arguments. Still, I get frustrated that he identifies as a libertarian and still makes excuses for every illegal, unconstitutional, and blatantly authoritarian thing the orange jackass does. I thought we should, at a minimum, agree that it's unacceptable for the Trump regime to execute a protester in broad daylight, lie its ass off about what happened as if we didn't have eyes, and then backtrack and claim that he brought it on himself by legally carrying a firearm at a protest. I swear to God I wasn't trying to start an argument when I texted him. I thought this was the most obvious common ground in the history of the world. Even Republicans are pissed. Do you know how evil you have to be for people who take free school lunches away from children to decide you've crossed a line?

He said that yes, he was concerned about it, but we need to look at both sides of the story and not jump to conclusions. He sent me a Facebook post that, in contrast with his own typically nuanced remarks, was a deranged partisan screed about how yes, Alex Pretti's death was unfortunate, but he brought it on himself by being an activist and "illegally" interfering with law enforcement officers who are just trying to protect us, and the media is doing a propaganda campaign to make him look good because of Trump Derangement Syndrome. I skimmed after that, but I'd lost interest after reading that stupid cliche that morons to dismiss any criticism of their cult leader by people who know right from wrong. There was also some fearmongering about the minuscule fraction of a percent of undocumented immigrants who have murdered people and some condescending crap about how Alex Pretti and Laken Riley (whose parents hate it when right-wingers politicize her death) were both made in the image of God.

I told my uncle that this guy had lost me at "Trump Derangement Syndrome." My uncle said that the left loses him whenever they say "fascist" or "Nazi" (which I hadn't done yet). At that point, I got a little frustrated at his inability to see what's right in front of him despite ostensibly not trusting the government in the first place, and a bit of snark may have crept into my tone as I agreed that ICE agents aren't Nazis because the Nazis didn't hide their faces. I mean, where is the lie? And how the flaming French filigreed fuck is a libertarian okay with government agents hiding their faces? Of course, it would be unfair to single him out because most people in the comments sections of Reason magazine are more than okay with it, and they can't all be bots.

He sent me another Facebook post, and he hasn't responded to my response to it, which is fine as long as he's thinking about it, which is unlikely. I feel like discussing that post here because I enjoy dissecting other people's words, and the first post isn't worth my time. This is from someone named Rabbi Mark N. Wildes.

Now I will dissect some of his words, mainly the ones I didn't like. I know some people will think it's anti-Semitic for me to argue with a Jew about Nazis, but those are mainly the same people who think it's anti-Semitic to criticize Israel for intentionally starving and shooting children, so I don't much care what they think. It's natural for Rabbi Wildes to have strong feelings about this topic, but that doesn't make his actual argument immune to criticism. He doesn't speak for all Jews, anyway.

Since when does the government get to determine what's moral or not? It's moot, though, because the Trump regime is blocking those investigations. I wonder why. He's not a fascist, and he has nothing to hide.

Yeah, the word "Holocaust" is probably overkill at this point, I can see why Rabbi Wildes would find it deeply troubling, and I have no desire to be insensitive about that. If his post ended here, I wouldn't have bothered to write my own post about it. But...

Oh, I'm sorry, is it deeply troubling to compare racist secret police who profile people, demand to see their papers, and detain them in inhumane conditions without due process to the Gestapo? Respectfully, are you shitting me?

The systematic genocide was preceded by years of propaganda and legal restrictions to dehumanize Jews and other minorities, not unlike what the Trump regime is constantly doing. The first example that comes to mind is the Department of Homeland Security's dystopian (and infantile) ICE recruitment ads about "dangerous illegals." The second example that comes to mind is all the other right-wing assholes who have been calling undocumented immigrants "illegals" for a long time, not to mention confidently and incorrectly asserting that constitutional rights like free speech and due process don't apply to non-citizens. The third example that comes to mind is Trump claiming multiple times that undocumented immigrants are "poisoning the blood of this country," which sounds like something straight from Hitler's mouth and would have disqualified him from office for life in any sane country, though in fairness, so would thousands of other things he's said and done. Honorable mention: his absurd fearmongering lie about legal Black immigrants eating people's pets in Ohio. Of course, right now I'm just focusing on his rabid xenophobia, not all his other fascist and authoritarian rhetoric that appealed so much to my small-government family.

Also, his DHS has already sent people to concentration camps, both abroad (El Salvador's Terrorism Confinement Centre) and at home (Alligator Alcatraz). The right wing's response to that is to argue over the exact definition of a concentration camp, which, as an Onion headline pointed out, is a sign of a healthy society. And far be it from me to claim more knowledge about the Holocaust than a Jew, but I'm not sure Rabbi Wildes is aware that genocide was Plan B. The Nazis' original strategy was mass deportations, but then they decided that was too hard. Huh. For no particular reason, I just remembered how the Trump regime has already said out loud that it's too hard to give everyone their constitutionally mandated due process before deporting them.

I regret having to make this personal, but I would be remiss not to point out that Rabbi Wildes is either inexcusably ignorant or intentionally deceitful, because it's very common knowledge at this point that many of the people harassed, abused, and detained by ICE and the DHS didn't violate the law either. Trump's fascist goons profile people based on skin color, accent, and/or location. The conservatives on the Supreme Court literally gave them permission to do that last year. Those who did violate the law are still entitled to be treated like human beings, and normal people - even my uncle, if memory serves me - overwhelmingly agree that those who violated the law to come here once upon a time but have contributed to the economy and not hurt anyone since then should be left alone. If ICE agents actually went after "the worst of the worst" instead of terrorizing communities and tearing families apart, nobody would hate them. But then I guess they'd have to arrest the president.

That reminds me of how the Trump regime prematurely rescinded the temporary protected status of refugees who were in the US legally and told them to get out. And how ICE agents kidnap people at their immigration hearings while they're in the process of immigrating legally. And how the Jackass-in-Chief is trying to ban birthright citizenship by overturning a constitutional amendment with an executive order.

I'm sorry, I don't understand why this part is in here. Is Rabbi Wildes implying that if the Nazis had just told Anne Frank's family to leave the country and given them a chance to leave the country, that would have been fine?

Why the hell do bootlickers think that putting the word "law" in proximity to some variant of the word "enforce" is a slam dunk argument? The Gestapo was tasked with enforcing the law too. This statement does not differentiate ICE from the Gestapo in any way. The law does not now and never has determined morality, and normal people whose moral compasses didn't stop developing when they were toddlers don't kiss law enforcement's ass just because it exists. Anyway, we all know that the convicted felon and adjudicated rapist who pardons violent insurrectionists and drug lords isn't interested in "enforcing the law" for its own sake. He just wants a private militia to terrorize "the enemy within" (or as most people call them, Americans) into submission, and promising to protect idiots who are scared of brown people is an effective way to get away with that. Until the private militia starts shooting white people, anyway.

This was the point where Rabbi Wildes really pissed me off. We know they're doing so inappropriately. We know their enforcement of the law has gone beyond their authority. We knew this for some time before they murdered Keith Porter, Renee Good, and Alex Pretti. Rabbi Wildes is not pressing the government to reign them in, and spoiler alert, he has no intention of doing so.

Gotta love it when conservatives shrug off human rights violations as "policy and implementation of policy." Surely he's aware that this attitude is a prerequisite to genocide? Again, I agree that what we're seeing right now isn't on par with the Holocaust, but genocide doesn't just pop up out of nowhere one day.

It sure isn't a condemnation, either. I read it as, "I actually have no problem with ICE's brutality, but I know I'll get torn to shreds if I admit that." Maybe it's unfair for me to cast such an aspersion on his character, but I don't know why else he'd go to such lengths to avoid saying that things we all know are wrong are wrong. And this is a guy who also seems on board with Israel's war crimes in Gaza, after all.

Like hell it is. A defense of moral clarity would have clearly explained that ICE's brutality is wrong, even though it's not the Holocaust.

I looked through Rabbi Wildes' post history. He hasn't done this, and I predict that he'll continue to not do this. He just wants to look like he has the moral high ground without having to do or say anything that makes him uncomfortable. But hey, at least he acknowledged that something happened, which is more than the leaders of my former religion have done. I thought Dallin Oaks had the courage to speak out on controversial issues and not care if he took heat for it, but it turns out that only applies to being a dick to gay people. As much as I detest Brigham Young, at least he would have had the correct response to the federal government sending secret police to Utah.

Now, to be clear, despite my initial snarky response, there isn't a 1:1 comparison between the original Nazis and the only administration in American history that had Nazi salutes at its inauguration. Hitler was more competent and more popular than Trump. Hitler understood that he needed to maintain the people's support by actually improving the economy, not making it worse and then gaslighting them that prices were going down and they weren't suffering. Trump faces far more resistance from his own people, and even with Congress and the Supreme Court sucking him off, the US system of government has more safeguards in place to prevent him from doing everything he wants. Also - and this is cold comfort, but also, I don't think Trump is really committed to his rabid xenophobia, because his only deep and abiding principle is to make himself as wealthy and powerful as he can. If he could have gotten elected by extolling diversity and praising the contributions of hard-working immigrants to our nation, he would have done that. He's a bigot, yes, but he's a narcissist first and a grifter just after that. And the backlash against his fascist goons' recent murders has already forced him to de-escalate just a little bit.

So I don't think the United States is actually going to have another Holocaust, and I wouldn't use the word "Holocaust" to describe what's going on now. I respect Rabbi Wildes' sentiment on that. However, I'm not interested in becoming complacent and seeing how far down that path we end up before these motherfuckers are voted out and prosecuted. Everything is not fine. We're not overreacting, we're underreacting. And whatever attitude you have now is most likely the same attitude you would have had in the early days of the Third Reich. If you make excuses for ICE, you would have done the same for the Gestapo. With the benefit of hindsight, you're sure you would have shown wisdom and moral courage in that moment, but now that you're in a similar moment, you tell yourself it's completely different so you don't have to do that. You're failing an open-book test with one true-or-false question. When this is over - and it will be - you may, with the benefit of hindsight that should be superfluous, try to pretend you were always against it. But you can't get away with that in the twenty-first century. So maybe just choose to do the right thing right now because you're a decent person.

P.S. As I mentioned to my uncle, who hasn't responded, the right wing's fearmongering bullshit about queer people being predators and "groomers," besides being a load of projection (I see a Trump supporter getting arrested for child porn every week), is also directly copied from the Nazi playbook.

The earliest memory I can put a date on is watching "Lamb Chop's Special Chanukah" on December 17, 1995, when I was two and a half. (As I've said before, though, I think I can remember earlier in 1995 because I remember "Roll to Me" and "How Bizarre" playing on the radio constantly.) Because I'm obsessed with nostalgia and the strange passage of time, I've been waiting for December 17, 2025 to watch it again in a different basement on the other side of the country and see how much of it I recognized besides the fragments that stuck with me for thirty years. Answer: not much. I didn't even remember that it had songs. Still a blast from the past, though. I'm on the fence about whether it's good or charmingly bad. The plot makes little sense and the effects are not so special, but the songs are catchy and most of the humor is good or at least okay. It teaches kids about Chanukah and Jewish culture, so that's cool. (I'm not against those things just because I'm against Israel's war crimes and ethnic cleansing.) Feisty, witty little Lamb Chop is a very underrated character. Charlie Horse is a good foil - less sass, more mischief. Hush Puppy is maybe a little bit racist. That's how things go sometimes.

Between my age and the new millennium, the 90s are a different world, semi-ancient history compartmentalized from the rest of my life. The gap between 1995 and 2000 was eons longer than the gap between 2020 and 2025. It just was. I was too young to really appreciate the 90s while they were here, and lately I've mostly been getting into them through The X-Files and DOS games, but this was a more personal connection. ​The nostalgia factor is amplified by all of the lead actors (Shari Lewis, of course, with guest stars Pat Morita, Lloyd Bochner, and Alan Thicke) having been dead for years, even though three of the four were young enough to plausibly still be alive. That's how things go sometimes. I thought about doing a YouTube reaction video of the sort that I waste too much time watching, but it wasn't worth the effort for the likely size of my audience, just like it isn't worth the effort to organize my current rambling into a logical progression of thought. Here's a video to keep you occupied for almost an hour. Or not, your choice.

To say that Hitler's Nazis killed eleven million people doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of how evil they were. Murder is bad and all, but in my view, there are many, many things worse than death, and the Nazis did most of them to people. I assume most people have learned at some point in detail about the atrocities of the Holocaust, yet it seems to me that in American popular culture we typically represent Nazis as one-dimensional stock villains who just want to take over the world for vague unspecified evil reasons. This glaring discrepancy is why Steven Spielberg could no longer use Nazis as Indiana Jones villains after making "Schindler's List", and in recent days has also caused me some discomfort as I'm revisiting an Indiana Jones fan fiction based on a rejected screenplay that I started over a decade ago. The truth is awkward. I don't believe all my suffering in the past decade, considerable though it is, would measure up to even a week in a Nazi concentration camp.

And of course, the Nazis' atrocities against the Jews should never ever ever be downplayed, but they do tend to get all the attention, with other persecuted groups who together constituted their other five million victims all but forgotten from our collective memory. This week an excellent op-ed appeared called "Why Nazi Atrocities Against Gay Men Must Never Be Forgotten". (Specifically men, yes, as the author briefly notes that "they viewed lesbianism as a temporary condition so they suffered less", and I in turn note an interesting parallel to what I've read about medieval views of homosexuality, in which female same-sex crimes were given much more leniency because women were stupid and emotional and less responsible for their actions. Yay for misogyny?) Ironically, given how little attention this subject has received, the first time I heard the word "homosexuals" (though I'd already been called "faggot" several times a day for a few years by that point) was in sixth grade when a teacher listed off groups of people that the Nazis persecuted.

Alan Keele likewise noted in his review "Mormons and Nazis", "While visiting in 2007 the Villa Wannsee, outside Berlin, site of the infamous planning meetings for the 'Final Solution to the Jewish Problem' presided over by Adolf Eichmann, I was intrigued – and, frankly, shocked – to learn from a display there that from within Germany proper – not counting places outside its borders like Poland with much larger Jewish populations – the Nazis actually murdered more homosexuals even than Jews.

"I am convinced that the sobering fact of the existence and extent of such homicidal Nazi homophobia, if more widely known and better understood among Mormons today, could have an important tempering effect on current thinking about how disciples of the Prince of Peace should speak about and behave toward members of the LGBT community, especially recalling how homophobia was falsely viewed in the Third Reich as a lofty moral position, the taking of a righteous religious stand against sinful monsters portrayed by Fascist hate-mongers as an imminent danger to society....

"This is by no means an abstract concern. I have witnessed several things, some quite recently, that both shocked and horrified me. In my High Priests’ meeting in early 1994, a retired Seminary and Institute teacher, a man I very much admire, a war hero seriously wounded during the Battle of the Bulge, worked himself into a rage over the fact that President Clinton had invited gays to march in his inaugural parade. Growing more angry by the moment, he opined that gays should not be allowed to take employment or find housing. When someone asked him how he expected them to live, he finally sputtered that all queers should probably be taken out and shot."

In fairness, taking them out and shooting them would be much nicer than what the Nazis actually did to them.

An older but very educational article that also came to my attention outlined "In Germany’s extermination program for black Africans, a template for the Holocaust". Besides showing how the "Final Solution" for Jews and others directly evolved from Germany's genocide against black Africans in what is now Namibia, it explores the intertwining with eugenics and the civil rights movement in the United States. The concept of exterminating "undesirable" types of people really was born in the United States from brilliant minds like Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger, but it was mostly about not letting them reproduce, and Germany watched these developments with interest and decided to improve on them by adding unspeakable torture and mass murder. When the United States saw that, they were all like "Woah, guys, we're as racist as the next country, probably more so in fact, but too much is too much." It forced more than a little bit of soul-searching.

Tangent: The United States' history of forced sterilizations is not ancient history. The article notes that in North Carolina they "continued into the 1970s, long after Hitler fell", but I also remember less than seven years ago when doctors in California were exposed for sterilizing at least 148 women in prison between 2006 and 2010. I was immersed in right-wing Facebook pages and news sources at this time and I remember well that this was pretty much the only thing California ever did that they agreed with. Typical comments from self-proclaimed conservatives ran along the lines of "I don't see the problem here!" and "They should sterilize the men too!" A self-proclaimed conservative myself, it nonetheless made me sick. There are few times when it's okay to compare people to Hitler, but this was one of them.

Hitler said a few nasty things about black people in his book. But the Nazis themselves, unlike their predecessors in Namibia, never got around to an orchestrated campaign against black people because there weren't very many in Germany or nearby. They had a relatively low number of young mixed-race people in the Rhineland (descended from black French troops) whom they sterilized in 1937, and as horrible as that is, it remains one of the least of their atrocities. And when black American athlete Jesse Owens totally humiliated them in the 1936 Olympics, they were nonetheless PR-savvy enough to treat him better than the United States did. Though by no means oblivious to the Nazis' animosity toward him, he famously opined, "Hitler didn’t snub me; it was our president who snubbed me. The president didn’t even send a telegram." If the Nazis had won World War II, though - which was never much of a risk given Hitler's incompetence at military strategy, but if they had somehow, it wouldn't have been long before they swept over Africa and added a few tens of millions more mutilated corpses to their resume.

This actually has some relevance to my aforementioned fan fiction which, as per the screenplay it's based on, has Nazis as the villains and takes place in black Africa in 1937. Back in tenth grade or so I made a point of playing up the racism aspect that the screenplay completely ignores (and adding a bit of American racism as well, because they don't deserve to get off the hook either, though the protagonist himself is canonically established as way ahead of his time on racial equality). But revisiting it now, I still feel uncomfortable because that still doesn't come close to adequately conveying how evil Hitler and his ilk truly were. It's even putting a bit of a damper on my longtime love for the Indiana Jones franchise.

It bears repeating that if there is no God and no afterlife, Hitler and his Nazis won, and their victims lost in a very big, very permanent way.

Against all odds, while dredging the internet for Legend of Zelda stuff to sate my obsession, I discovered a snarky synopsis of the Lamp Chop Chanukah Special entitled "Lamb Chop's Special Chanukah". If I wasn't already feeling nostalgic enough from working on my memoir, this cranked it up to eleven because I watched "Lamb Chop's Special Chanukah" when it aired in December 1995. I was two and a half years old. I really want to be two and a half years old again. All I remember from it was that Charlie Horse opened his Chanukah present early, prompting Lamb Chop to taunt "You're gonna get in trouble!", and that his present did indeed cause trouble as troublemaking people kept magically coming out of it, the first being some kind of genie who kicked the furniture and made something fall off the wall by yelling at it. It was very weird. Even at that age I wondered why Shari Lewis was giving her kids/pets such dangerous presents. Learning the context almost twenty-three years later hasn't really made it less weird.

After reading the synopsis, I still don't remember anything else from it, but it fuels my nostalgia nonetheless. Since the special is inexplicably not on YouTube I'm debating whether to spend twenty dollars plus shipping on a VHS tape that I have no way of playing. And what are these other things?

​Lamb Chop's existence predates her early nineties show "Lamb Chops Play-Along" by over thirty years, though, and it turns out she's occasionally been a bit less than child-friendly, as in this couple of very old clips. I must admit that Lamb Chop swearing was not something I expected to hear ever, albeit they're just a couple of minor swears that aren't even swears in the United Kingdom, Australia or New Zealand. These clips both end with the same weird song, and that's the part most worth watching, as Shari Lewis switches between herself and the puppet with inhuman speed and precision. She never seemed old to me despite being in her sixties, but holy crap, she looks so young here despite probably being in her forties.

It also turns out that Shari Lewis cheated by celebrating Chanukah and Christmas. What lucky kids/pets.

Okay, I'll give the blathering on about Star Wars a rest. A review of "The Last Jedi" will probably be forthcoming in a few weeks. I'll just say for now that I liked it much better the second time.

Visiting my family in Indiana required getting up at 6 am on Saturday morning. So like most people would do, I set an alarm. But additionally, my brain does this really helpful thing where it likes to wake me up at least an hour before my alarm goes off. And it did that. So after a bit of unpleasant half-sleeping delirium I came to my senses, such as they are, enough to figure that I should check how much time I had left. And the clock said... wait for it... 12:46. So I had probably been asleep for like two minutes. I said to my brain, I said, "Are you ----------------------------------- kidding me??"

I got back to sleep and, sure enough, woke up again. I checked again. Maybe it was almost time. Or maybe it was 2:59. It was 2:59.

"I hate being me," I told God. That was an overstatement, of course, but it was how I felt at the moment.

The third time, I wasn't optimistic, but it was 5:49 and that somehow came as a relief even though I felt like crap. I just wanted to put on a blindfold like Kanan Jarrus and never open my eyes again. How was it possible to be so hungry and so needing to throw up at the same time? Ironically, I felt worse than I did a week later in Indiana, yesterday, when I went to bed at 10, fell asleep sometime after 1:30, and was woken up at 5:24, aka 3:24 MST. Somehow I got so hot while being unable to sleep that twice I went outside in my underwear and stood with my bare feet in the snow and it felt like a cool spring day. But I digress.

I had to get up so early, in large part, so I could arrive at the airport two hours before my flight to make sure I would have plenty of time to get through security even though it's never taken me more than five minutes. But this time it did. This time it took an extra ten minutes. When my laptop didn't come out of the scanner with the rest of my stuff, I knew something was up. When the TSA guy carried it over to another station and asked "Whose laptop is this?" I knew something was up. When he gestured me over to him with a couple fingers and pointed to the external hard drive enclosure duct taped to the top of it and asked "What's that?" I knew something was up. He said that for future reference it looks suspicious to have something taped to a laptop in an airport and their explosives expert would have to look at it. That was fine with me, as I had nothing to hide, but I started to get a little worried that they would confiscate it anyway like they did my toothpaste one time, and then they may as well just shoot me too because it has my tens of thousands of songs that took years to accumulate.

It was nice of the people at both airports to let me through with my expired ID. There was an officer at one of them who looked like Will Smith. I wanted to get a picture of him, but I might have gotten in trouble. I traveled all day, had the usual delays, and got to Indiana around 9 pm EST. It was another hour to the house and then I was ready for bed. And right as I got out of the car I remembered the trains that pass like twenty feet from my parents' house several times day and night and always blow their horns. I used to like trains.

On a more positive note, the next morning it was once again nice to attend a congregation not completely full of white people. Don't get me wrong, most of my best friends are white, but it just gets stifling when that's all I'm ever surrounded by, you know? Because it was Christmas Eve, somebody thought it would be a good idea to sing like eight hymns. I opted out of all the extra ones because I was tired. The black Baptist convert behind us complained that we had ruined the tunes, and she wasn't wrong.

So, the fifty degrees of winter thing the previous and only time I'd visited Indiana turned out to be a fluke. It was very cold. One day I walked a couple miles from the house and on the return trip my fingers felt like they had been hacked off. I have gloves, I just don't know where they are. But it was sunny! I was asked to post some pictures and bring the sunshine back to Utah! So here are some pictures and I got a pocketful of sunshine which, as anyone in Logan can attest, is being put to good use. I hope I got enough pictures to satisfy the person who requested pictures.

Trains that were very hard to photograph through the trees

As Douglas Adams famously wrote in "Last Chance to See", here be chickens

​

My parents have the best kind of neighbors

A church we don't go to

Bustling city stuff

​​My scary friend Mackenzie is starting to sound even more like a mob boss

​I knew what she meant the first time, of course, but I like messing with her. My advice to her and anyone else hiring someone to take me out is make sure you're not talking to an undercover cop by mistake. I saw that on TV once. It was real, filmed with a hidden camera in the cop's car, and this woman was hiring him to shoot her husband and he was playing Satan and trying to goad her into being more evil. He was like, "You know, sometimes when I shoot people, it takes them a long time to die and they suffer a lot. Does that bother you?" And she was like, "I don't care, I don't care, I just want him gone. Ohhh, I'm gonna sleep good tonight." You can spot undercover cops because they never actually drink the beer. Wait, wrong scenario. You're on your own then.

My parents have a few books

I took the time to read some of them and record my thoughts.

"Lost Race of Mars" by Robert Silverberg. Written in 1960, set in the distant future of 2017, where the colonists on Mars still use film cameras and paper mail. I'd trade digital cameras and email for a colony on Mars. We haven't even put a person on Mars, which is pathetic and inexcusable. We should have done it decades ago. Would we even be able to get emails on Mars? Could they set up the internet infrastructure between here and there? But hey, at least we have fidget spinners, amiright? 

"Peanuts Classics" by Charles Schultz. This one is mine. I don't remember it having a broken binding and a brown stain all the way through. Let's see... oh, I know all these comics by heart even though I haven't read them in who knows how long. I read them so many times and yet I never really understood how great some of them are.

"From First Date to Chosen Hate" by Brenton G. Yorgason. Oh, "Mate". Right, I always read that wrong the first time. It's not the best font. Well, maybe I ought to read this famous book. Plot twist: it's for Australians wanting to escape the matezone. "Hooley dooley! So you've come the raw prawn with another true blue Sheila and she's dobbed she just wants to be mates? Do you just cop it sweet and hope she'll be apples, or bugger that for a joke? Fair suck o' the sav!" etc. 1977? Then it should be good for a few laughs. I'm sure it's very... dated. Hum de dum. Oh, so dating sucked even before millennials ruined it? So much for my... romanticizing the past. Creative date ideas - skip! Satan's deceptions - skip! Getting engaged - skip! Oh, look, it's available on archive.org and I just wasted my time reading the hard copy instead of something else! Well, it was very dated but it did have some good stuff. I recommend modern readers to supplement it with  "Modern Romance" by Aziz Ansari and "Animal Behavior" by John Alcock.

"Happy Valley Patrol" by John "Blitz" Krieg, pseudonym for Robert Kirby. This book has seen better days. The binding is all but gone and at least a quarter of the pages are not connected to anything. I didn't do it, though I have read it many times. It's a collection of the eponymous newspaper column about Kirby's time as a police officer in Utah, and I love it because it makes fun of two things that I love making fun of: the human race and Provo. And it's just as hilarious this time around.

​I also read through all my Tintin books that my sister is keeping safely for safekeeping. I hadn't read them since before I started college, and now I get more of the jokes and references. Hergé truly was a rare breed of genius, which would explain why most Americans don't appreciate him. If you haven't read Tintin, do so; you won't be sorry unless you have no taste. If you want to be thorough you can start from the actual beginning with the mediocre "Tintin in the Land of the Soviets" and the racist "Tintin in the Congo", but it's probably better to just start with the sanctioned volumes and come back to those for thoroughness after you're hooked.

A noble crusader against injustice has brought to light that in the last five years, twenty Holocaust victims were posthumously baptized by various Mormons in violation of LDS Church policy, sparking another round of complaints about baptizing dead people without consent. One should always obtain a dead person's consent before performing an ordinance that will either unlock their path to salvation or have no affect on them whatsoever. And it is, of course, incredibly selfish and thoughtless for Mormons to spend time baptizing people who will never be on the membership records, pay tithing, or help a church ball team. How would we feel if someone did it to us? I, for one, would be outraged if I were dead and a Muslim or a Hindu or a Rastafarian did something they thought would help me get into heaven. In fact, there's a website called "All Dead Mormons Are Now Gay" which purports to make that happen, and you can guess how much that upsets me by how many times in my life I've mentioned it. (This is the first time in my life I've mentioned it.) Why doesn't every religion just do this for everyone, and then we'll all have all our bases covered?

Several Jewish leaders take this practice personally because it reminds them of the long history of Jews being forced to convert to Christianity or die. That's understandable (even though, as people keep pretending to forget, Mormon teachings state that dead people are free to accept or reject the ordinance). The LDS Church is under no legal obligation to stop the baptizing of Holocaust victims, but does so as a gesture of good will. Most of the people feigning self-righteous indignation over the very few who slipped through the system are atheists who believe that Holocaust victims ceased to exist as soon as they were murdered. That in their lives, millions of lives, the Nazis permanently and irrevocably won. And these complaints about baptizing dead people without consent ring just a little hollow coming from them. And do they care one iota about Jewish religion or culture at any other time? A random teeny little hunch tells me probably not. Some people need to grow up.

The world has survived year one of Drumpf's presidency. True, he didn't accomplish much worthwhile, and he consistently refused to behave in an intelligent or dignified manner befitting a nation's leader (which comes as a surprise to no one), but he hasn't started a nuclear war ​yet despite his best efforts so I say we should count our blessings. I look forward to blogging for another year, and striving to please my loyal fans, unless of course I unexpectedly die and move beyond this vale of tears, which would be even better. I suppose it's also possible that Daesh will cut off my hands. That would really suck. I will surely face many challenges in this coming year, and just as surely God will bring me through them as He always has in the past, as undeserving as I am. I don't stress nearly as much about them now. So there's that.

There aren't a lot of New Year's songs. That means there also aren't a lot of good ones. Enter George Harrison's "Ding Dong", which ought to be a lot more famous than it is, and might become a tradition with me since this is the second time I've shared it.