My uncle, to his credit, is someone with whom I can discuss political and religious topics that his sister just ignores. We respect each other's differences, and I try not to get into arguments. Still, I get frustrated that he identifies as a libertarian and still makes excuses for every illegal, unconstitutional, and blatantly authoritarian thing the orange jackass does. I thought we should, at a minimum, agree that it's unacceptable for the Trump regime to execute a protester in broad daylight, lie its ass off about what happened as if we didn't have eyes, and then backtrack and claim that he brought it on himself by legally carrying a firearm at a protest. I swear to God I wasn't trying to start an argument when I texted him. I thought this was the most obvious common ground in the history of the world. Even Republicans are pissed. Do you know how evil you have to be for people who take free school lunches away from children to decide you've crossed a line?

He said that yes, he was concerned about it, but we need to look at both sides of the story and not jump to conclusions. He sent me a Facebook post that, in contrast with his own typically nuanced remarks, was a deranged partisan screed about how yes, Alex Pretti's death was unfortunate, but he brought it on himself by being an activist and "illegally" interfering with law enforcement officers who are just trying to protect us, and the media is doing a propaganda campaign to make him look good because of Trump Derangement Syndrome. I skimmed after that, but I'd lost interest after reading that stupid cliche that morons to dismiss any criticism of their cult leader by people who know right from wrong. There was also some fearmongering about the minuscule fraction of a percent of undocumented immigrants who have murdered people and some condescending crap about how Alex Pretti and Laken Riley (whose parents hate it when right-wingers politicize her death) were both made in the image of God.

I told my uncle that this guy had lost me at "Trump Derangement Syndrome." My uncle said that the left loses him whenever they say "fascist" or "Nazi" (which I hadn't done yet). At that point, I got a little frustrated at his inability to see what's right in front of him despite ostensibly not trusting the government in the first place, and a bit of snark may have crept into my tone as I agreed that ICE agents aren't Nazis because the Nazis didn't hide their faces. I mean, where is the lie? And how the flaming French filigreed fuck is a libertarian okay with government agents hiding their faces? Of course, it would be unfair to single him out because most people in the comments sections of Reason magazine are more than okay with it, and they can't all be bots.

He sent me another Facebook post, and he hasn't responded to my response to it, which is fine as long as he's thinking about it, which is unlikely. I feel like discussing that post here because I enjoy dissecting other people's words, and the first post isn't worth my time. This is from someone named Rabbi Mark N. Wildes.

Now I will dissect some of his words, mainly the ones I didn't like. I know some people will think it's anti-Semitic for me to argue with a Jew about Nazis, but those are mainly the same people who think it's anti-Semitic to criticize Israel for intentionally starving and shooting children, so I don't much care what they think. It's natural for Rabbi Wildes to have strong feelings about this topic, but that doesn't make his actual argument immune to criticism. He doesn't speak for all Jews, anyway.

Since when does the government get to determine what's moral or not? It's moot, though, because the Trump regime is blocking those investigations. I wonder why. He's not a fascist, and he has nothing to hide.

Yeah, the word "Holocaust" is probably overkill at this point, I can see why Rabbi Wildes would find it deeply troubling, and I have no desire to be insensitive about that. If his post ended here, I wouldn't have bothered to write my own post about it. But...

Oh, I'm sorry, is it deeply troubling to compare racist secret police who profile people, demand to see their papers, and detain them in inhumane conditions without due process to the Gestapo? Respectfully, are you shitting me?

The systematic genocide was preceded by years of propaganda and legal restrictions to dehumanize Jews and other minorities, not unlike what the Trump regime is constantly doing. The first example that comes to mind is the Department of Homeland Security's dystopian (and infantile) ICE recruitment ads about "dangerous illegals." The second example that comes to mind is all the other right-wing assholes who have been calling undocumented immigrants "illegals" for a long time, not to mention confidently and incorrectly asserting that constitutional rights like free speech and due process don't apply to non-citizens. The third example that comes to mind is Trump claiming multiple times that undocumented immigrants are "poisoning the blood of this country," which sounds like something straight from Hitler's mouth and would have disqualified him from office for life in any sane country, though in fairness, so would thousands of other things he's said and done. Honorable mention: his absurd fearmongering lie about legal Black immigrants eating people's pets in Ohio. Of course, right now I'm just focusing on his rabid xenophobia, not all his other fascist and authoritarian rhetoric that appealed so much to my small-government family.

Also, his DHS has already sent people to concentration camps, both abroad (El Salvador's Terrorism Confinement Centre) and at home (Alligator Alcatraz). The right wing's response to that is to argue over the exact definition of a concentration camp, which, as an Onion headline pointed out, is a sign of a healthy society. And far be it from me to claim more knowledge about the Holocaust than a Jew, but I'm not sure Rabbi Wildes is aware that genocide was Plan B. The Nazis' original strategy was mass deportations, but then they decided that was too hard. Huh. For no particular reason, I just remembered how the Trump regime has already said out loud that it's too hard to give everyone their constitutionally mandated due process before deporting them.

I regret having to make this personal, but I would be remiss not to point out that Rabbi Wildes is either inexcusably ignorant or intentionally deceitful, because it's very common knowledge at this point that many of the people harassed, abused, and detained by ICE and the DHS didn't violate the law either. Trump's fascist goons profile people based on skin color, accent, and/or location. The conservatives on the Supreme Court literally gave them permission to do that last year. Those who did violate the law are still entitled to be treated like human beings, and normal people - even my uncle, if memory serves me - overwhelmingly agree that those who violated the law to come here once upon a time but have contributed to the economy and not hurt anyone since then should be left alone. If ICE agents actually went after "the worst of the worst" instead of terrorizing communities and tearing families apart, nobody would hate them. But then I guess they'd have to arrest the president.

That reminds me of how the Trump regime prematurely rescinded the temporary protected status of refugees who were in the US legally and told them to get out. And how ICE agents kidnap people at their immigration hearings while they're in the process of immigrating legally. And how the Jackass-in-Chief is trying to ban birthright citizenship by overturning a constitutional amendment with an executive order.

I'm sorry, I don't understand why this part is in here. Is Rabbi Wildes implying that if the Nazis had just told Anne Frank's family to leave the country and given them a chance to leave the country, that would have been fine?

Why the hell do bootlickers think that putting the word "law" in proximity to some variant of the word "enforce" is a slam dunk argument? The Gestapo was tasked with enforcing the law too. This statement does not differentiate ICE from the Gestapo in any way. The law does not now and never has determined morality, and normal people whose moral compasses didn't stop developing when they were toddlers don't kiss law enforcement's ass just because it exists. Anyway, we all know that the convicted felon and adjudicated rapist who pardons violent insurrectionists and drug lords isn't interested in "enforcing the law" for its own sake. He just wants a private militia to terrorize "the enemy within" (or as most people call them, Americans) into submission, and promising to protect idiots who are scared of brown people is an effective way to get away with that. Until the private militia starts shooting white people, anyway.

This was the point where Rabbi Wildes really pissed me off. We know they're doing so inappropriately. We know their enforcement of the law has gone beyond their authority. We knew this for some time before they murdered Keith Porter, Renee Good, and Alex Pretti. Rabbi Wildes is not pressing the government to reign them in, and spoiler alert, he has no intention of doing so.

Gotta love it when conservatives shrug off human rights violations as "policy and implementation of policy." Surely he's aware that this attitude is a prerequisite to genocide? Again, I agree that what we're seeing right now isn't on par with the Holocaust, but genocide doesn't just pop up out of nowhere one day.

It sure isn't a condemnation, either. I read it as, "I actually have no problem with ICE's brutality, but I know I'll get torn to shreds if I admit that." Maybe it's unfair for me to cast such an aspersion on his character, but I don't know why else he'd go to such lengths to avoid saying that things we all know are wrong are wrong. And this is a guy who also seems on board with Israel's war crimes in Gaza, after all.

Like hell it is. A defense of moral clarity would have clearly explained that ICE's brutality is wrong, even though it's not the Holocaust.

I looked through Rabbi Wildes' post history. He hasn't done this, and I predict that he'll continue to not do this. He just wants to look like he has the moral high ground without having to do or say anything that makes him uncomfortable. But hey, at least he acknowledged that something happened, which is more than the leaders of my former religion have done. I thought Dallin Oaks had the courage to speak out on controversial issues and not care if he took heat for it, but it turns out that only applies to being a dick to gay people. As much as I detest Brigham Young, at least he would have had the correct response to the federal government sending secret police to Utah.

Now, to be clear, despite my initial snarky response, there isn't a 1:1 comparison between the original Nazis and the only administration in American history that had Nazi salutes at its inauguration. Hitler was more competent and more popular than Trump. Hitler understood that he needed to maintain the people's support by actually improving the economy, not making it worse and then gaslighting them that prices were going down and they weren't suffering. Trump faces far more resistance from his own people, and even with Congress and the Supreme Court sucking him off, the US system of government has more safeguards in place to prevent him from doing everything he wants. Also - and this is cold comfort, but also, I don't think Trump is really committed to his rabid xenophobia, because his only deep and abiding principle is to make himself as wealthy and powerful as he can. If he could have gotten elected by extolling diversity and praising the contributions of hard-working immigrants to our nation, he would have done that. He's a bigot, yes, but he's a narcissist first and a grifter just after that. And the backlash against his fascist goons' recent murders has already forced him to de-escalate just a little bit.

So I don't think the United States is actually going to have another Holocaust, and I wouldn't use the word "Holocaust" to describe what's going on now. I respect Rabbi Wildes' sentiment on that. However, I'm not interested in becoming complacent and seeing how far down that path we end up before these motherfuckers are voted out and prosecuted. Everything is not fine. We're not overreacting, we're underreacting. And whatever attitude you have now is most likely the same attitude you would have had in the early days of the Third Reich. If you make excuses for ICE, you would have done the same for the Gestapo. With the benefit of hindsight, you're sure you would have shown wisdom and moral courage in that moment, but now that you're in a similar moment, you tell yourself it's completely different so you don't have to do that. You're failing an open-book test with one true-or-false question. When this is over - and it will be - you may, with the benefit of hindsight that should be superfluous, try to pretend you were always against it. But you can't get away with that in the twenty-first century. So maybe just choose to do the right thing right now because you're a decent person.

P.S. As I mentioned to my uncle, who hasn't responded, the right wing's fearmongering bullshit about queer people being predators and "groomers," besides being a load of projection (I see a Trump supporter getting arrested for child porn every week), is also directly copied from the Nazi playbook.

I have written occasionally about the time Hayden Nelson of the Logan City Police Department verbally abused me and made me suicidal, the department's refusal to conduct an investigation and share the results with me as promised in its own complaint procedures, the other city, state, and federal agencies that declined to help or simply ignored me, and Angel Echevarria's lawsuit against him and twelve other cops for "unlawful seizure, detainer, arrest and false imprisonment; intentional and negligent infliction of emotional distress; negligent training, employment, and supervision; assault; and false testimony among others." Incidentally, the city has since settled that lawsuit by giving Echevarria money, even though Mayor Holly Daines assured me that the city was confident it would win. Awkward. Anyway, I didn't know if my writing had an effect or was just so much screaming into the void, until I found out that Hayden himself had taken notice. I found that out by finding out that he'd blocked me on LinkedIn, where I got this picture that sometimes accompanied my writing.

It didn't take long to make another LinkedIn account and confirm that he hadn't just deleted his. Mind you, the following screenshot is from June 1, 2024. I've already written about it in my memoir published at the end of that year, Goodbye Mormonism, Hello World: My Slightly Pretentious Search for the Truths of Life, the Universe, and Everything, which you probably haven't read. I put off writing about it on my blog for some time because I refuse to let him dictate my life, but I always meant to sooner or later - not just to get back at him, an impulse from which I've tried to distance myself, but to help ensure that he never works in law enforcement again. Oh yeah, spoiler alert.

Not only did he make a career change, he changed his last name to "N." That is rich. That is priceless. I have to imagine I played some part in this, since all search results for his name and employer were either from my website or news stories about the lawsuit against him, and I know he was aware of the former. (He may or may not have also been aware that I mentioned him by name in my Master's thesis, which does not show up in those searches.) At this point, if he were merely stupid and poorly trained as opposed to being a bad person, he could have recognized the unnecessary and unwarranted trauma that he caused me, done some self-reflection, and reached out to apologize. He chose to block me instead. That silent reaction speaks volumes. Logan is much safer without this unintelligent bully serving and protecting it. I hope he treats phones better than he treats human beings.

Hayden, if you ever read this, I guess you know you miscalculated when you assumed this terrified, confused boy couldn't do anything about you abusing him. You really should go a step further and try the self-reflection thing. Just because you changed careers and your name to avoid the consequences of your actions doesn't mean you've become a better person. If you're not interested in becoming a better person, then I guess I can't explain why you should be. Did I mention how glad I am that you're not a cop?

On a more positive note, you became a factor in my journey out of Mormonism and into an existential crisis that was so worth it, so thanks for giving me the worst day of my life, I guess.

I hate most pictures of myself, but here's one that I don't. The composition is perfect, and if I do say so myself, it belongs in a history book next to the famous one of the Capitol police acting all concerned the words "Eat the Rich" scrawled in chalk after the first big protest (documented in this post.) This is the sign that I always take to ICE protests after someone let me keep it after I offered to hold it while she drew on the sidewalk. I never saw her again.

Yesterday I went straight from an ICE protest at Home Deport to a conversion therapy protest at the Capitol, so I still had this sign with me as I passed through Temple Square like I usually do to get to the Capitol. I was reminded of an incident from my first protest against Trump's Muslim ban in 2017 (which started at the very same federal building in the picture), when I was still Mormon and had to commute from a different city. Here's the relevant excerpt from the relevant blog post, with its horrible grammar intact:

Ah yes, I remember when that was my most traumatizing encounter with police. Ha. Ha ha.

Actually, until I looked it up just now, I had forgotten about the "Even if you're just walking through," but if I had remembered it, that wouldn't have stopped me from intentionally keeping the "Oh Boy... Nazis" side of my sign facing out as I walked through Temple Square both ways. Since I'm not Mormon anymore, I can say "Fuck those guys" without feeling guilty. Fuck those guys. Anyway, attendance was sparse this time, and I don't think any of the ten people I saw took any notice of me. On the way down Capitol Hill before I reached Temple Square, though, I saw several companionships of sister missionaries walking up to their apartments, and I thought it would be kind of funny to make sure the words on my sign were visible to them as we crossed paths. Most of them took no notice of me either, but I got a mumbled "Have a good day," a cheery "Hello!", and a head silently turned for a good look at my sign. Or maybe my ass, but probably my sign. This is just the part of my weekly political activism that I chose to share because it took little time or effort to write about.

Every week under this administration feels like a month. Was the orange taint's speech really just this week? I didn't watch it, but I was very disappointed to hear that his insane blathering about transgender mice wasn't interrupted by a military coup, or more accurately, a military counter-coup. I do think that's where this is going to end after he refuses to follow the court orders against him and orders the military to attack our allies. I really hope the bulk of the military is more loyal to the constitution than to this self-proclaimed king. I bet it helps that he's shitting on veterans every chance he gets.

I also predict that we'll see proof that Musk rigged the election, and that's why the elected president, despite being an unparalleled narcissist, lets him act as the real president. An organization called Election Truth Alliance has identified anomalies in the vote tabulations and is raising money to sue for audits. I believe it's onto something because of what I just said and also because every Republicunt accusation is a confession and also because the orange taint, Musk, and Musk's little human shield have all made multiple very sketchy statements pointing in that direction and also because, as I said right after the election, it made no goddamn sense for the orange taint to win the popular vote and every swing state for the first time after his brain turned into cottage cheese and he couldn't keep people at his rallies. If the election was stolen, that's actually great news because it means he has less support than I thought and this country is less rotten to the core than I thought. And most of us actual people didn't deserve it, but on a macro level, the country sure did. It's 100% karma for decades of installing and propping up right-wing dictatorships in other countries. The US deserves to lose a lot of its global power and influence. It's just unfortunate that China will swoop in to fill the gap.

I've been in three protests since the protest I wrote about a week ago - one for democracy, one for science, one for women's rights. I've become a satirical film character. Right-wing YouTuber Nick Shirley showed up again to the former, this time with four or five of his little douchebro friends in tow. The cops escorted them out after one of them disrupted the proceedings with a sign that said "Save Our Big Booty Latinas." (I had to quote the sign directly in case you're still under the delusion that these are decent people with a valid alternative point of view.) I'm grateful that when Salt Lake cops aren't shooting autistic teenagers for running away, ordering their dogs to attack compliant and motionless suspects, or hazing rookies by mutilating deceased homeless people, they sometimes do their job. In addition to protecting our constitutional rights because they're supposed to, some of them may actually be on our side because the orange taint pardoned a bunch of people who assaulted cops and Utah's Republicunt legislature just made it illegal for cops (and firefighters and teachers) to collectively bargain. Nick Shirley wasn't at the next two protests. Maybe the cops scared him, or maybe he has enough awareness in his tiny mind to realize that mocking science and women's rights is a bad look. I'm guessing the cops scared him.

My landlord has been banging and drilling and stuff next to my bedroom all week without warning me he was going to do that. Yesterday morning he had a plumber over and shut off the water without warning me he was going to do that. I just wanted to get that off my chest. I went to a hip-hop show with my little nieces before the protest, though, so that was fun. Oh yeah, and daylight savings time started today, so I anticipate that the next week will suck. Daylight savings time should be shot, run over with a truck, and shot a few more times. I got in trouble for writing that on Facebook once because Facebook is stupid.

22:00
Would an actor named Cunidan Chesterbutt be funny, or is it just me?
Sorry
22:01
Like not sorry, cause I’m laughing, but sorry it’s weird, but not like Trump weird so it’s fine [cry-laugh emoji]
22:04
2 mins later: Shit, I hope I sent that to the right person
22:30
Chesterbed Cunningbald. Saved for reference. I knew you’d understand
22:32
Kylie no Kyping. No cops
22:33
I know that’s not a word, okay. It was a joke that I thought was funny but you probably won’t – emoji or no? Okay

22:37
Kylie: What in the world, Chris? [two cry-laugh emojis]

22:38
Chesting Cunningbutt. Running gag keeps me grounded to you
22:39
It’s not illegal. It has a store here
22:41
I am delirious and aware at the same time. I know I’m weird, but not Trump weird. I know this will brighten your day, which makes me laugh a lot
22:42
Not a bot
Remember Angie, it’s really me
Oh no not Angie
22:43
I’m fine, just joking, no sadness, only joy and love and peace
22:44
I can write better than this if I’m not high
22:47
This is what you get for earning my trust
Tell me to stop if you’re not having too much fun
Or enough
22:48
Not in a flirty way. If that sounds flirty, disregard. I’m over-explaining myself to make sure because I’m high
I just thought too much fun was a weird phrasing, but it sounded high, so I added to it
22:49
If I stop, I’m not dead. I’ve done this twice before
It’s not illegal
Even in whatever state I’m in. I know, but you don’t
22:52
I have more profound thoughts than Chestingham Cunningbutt, but they’re not yours
22:57
If I remember the Sesame Hindu gods, if I remember the connection
Note to self
22:59
Sydney Sweeney has a martini,
What is she going to do?
I had some ideas for eating Puccini*,
But I couldn’t write a haiku.
 
*Pun because it sounds like a pasta
I’m not faking it
23:00
I’m making you laugh, I hope. It brings me joy to share my joy. Gag, virtue signaler
23:02
No one says Coinkydonk. How will Kylie react to that? It’s stupid
23:04
I write these things and then I lay back down in bed and instantly, it’s a distant, hazy memory because of how time works because of the time break, I mean the drug. I choose the words to make them sound drugged, but I can do better, I just want to do them like that and go back to bed and be like woah (sound drugged)
I can do better because I have an English degree. You know that. Good night
23:13
I made a connection. Maybe I drowned in a previous life, and that’s why getting water in my eyes went to just hating it and not wanting to swim. Even though I’m skinny so I can’t float. Is that profound? I think so, and I’ll see in the morning.
I thought it was falling at first, that I died by falling, but it could be both. Multiple lives
23:14
Margaret please, I beg of you, it is three o’clock in the morning
23:22
I want you to know, don’t worry, it’s kicking my ass in the best way. Even if you’re not high, that’s clever
I know you’re not. I mean you in the general sense. Please don’t block me
23:23
The Margaret thing was a meme, or at least it sounded like one
Waiting to explain that later is funny while I’m high. It’s probably not too you. But maybe, if the timing is right.
23:24
*to, dang it, I swear that’s the first time my writing’s been so messed up. But you can see I’m aware now. And funny as I am, I’m not clever enough to fake this. Right? It’s self-evident.
23:27
I checked to see that you said, “What in the world, Chris? [two cry-laugh emojis]” Because now that seems like a distant memory, even a dream. Did I really write so much? I’m sorry. I’ve got to sleep soon, which changes the context of the apology in English, and I’m laughing because I hope you’re smiling, or vice-versa, so that’s all for now. I hope I have no bad thoughts to spill out with this truth serum. But I’m happy. I hope you are too
And stuff, I debated adding to the end of that sentence
23:28
Not wanting to be too high, not wanting to be too dull or prosaic
23:36
Bishop Verlo Howell: does he love me? Does anyone care for me? These things come to me, I think of sending them to you, it seems stupid, then it doesn’t seem stupid, then I do it. I have agency, but then it’s like a dream and I don’t. But I only do what I want and then conk out. And it’s a whole other realm, so to speak
23:37
Like that was stupid right? But I did it as if it wasn’t. My shoulder hurts. I’m going back to bed. Is this weird enough, or too weird? One thing’s for sure, it’s the best experience of my life. It will go great in my book.
23:38
Research, doncha know [wink emoji]
My actual book, not my metaphorical book meaning my opinion
23:39
Restraint. You don’t know a hundredth of what I’m going through. I can’t make you get it, but it’s all good, so good. I could die tonight and be satisfied with everything in the universe, but I won’t. I have stuff to do. And this is legal, even here. Callback to earlier when I said that.
23:41
It’s like a roller coaster that goes for what feels like twelve or twenty hours, but I never get sick. I just love it, and I hate rollercoasters. But there’s a time break, I mean a drug. Callback.
See, I can make connections. My brain’s not fried even though it’s in a constant state of explosion
23:42
Writing that was amazing. Everything is. You are, but don’t get cocky.
23:44
I keep thinking about Mary. I kind of love her, but as a friend, that’s all I know. She’s a goddess, but also an alcoholic, and she’s working on that. I love her, and I want her to succeed. Regardless of anything else. idk the future, do you? If you do, you’ve been holding out on me. Okay? I just spaced out guy a minute. It felt like longer than that. I’m not trying to be cute with the Mary thing, I promise, I’m just irrational but also aware, but not of how stupid it is to say these things.
23:49
Kylie, I won’t tell anyone to do drugs, but this is the best fucking thing of my life. (Swear for emphasis.) My smile grows as I share it, but you can never understand what it’s like to smile like this. I mean, you smile, but I mean you’re not having my experiences, and I can’t do them justice in this dead language
23:49
See, I sent my previous text 4 mins ago, but it felt like I took a nap for two hours in between then and now
23:51
I had a grasshopper in my room today. I got it out. It’s not jumping on me tonight. That’s all. It’s stupid to write those things, but then I do it like a dream. I’m dizzy though. Good night.
00:16
I’ve just been cruising non-stop. It feels like six hours or more. I want to remember to listen to the Arab chipmunk song when I see this in the morning. That’s a real song, but just what I call it.
00:20
Fortune cookie idea: The afterlife doesn’t care that you’ve lost weight.
00:23
Connection between Hume’s colors (not Plato’s) and the language filtering that one lady talked about. Note for tomorrow. You’re my notepad, Kylie. But I can’t describe most of this.
07:39
I’m alive. Told you [cry-laugh emoji]

08:25
Kylie: Oh good [two cry-laugh emojis]
08:26
Kylie: I mean, I was a wee bit worried about you. But at the same timem it sounded like you were having a grand time [cry-laugh emoji]

Cunidan Chesterbutt was apparently my brain's attempt to pronounce Benedict Cumberbatch, and I found it hilarious. I knew it would be less funny to someone who wasn't high, but also that me finding it so funny because I was high would be funny to Kylie. This is the Arab chipmunk song:

And I think the rest is self-explanatory. Maybe you can't tell, but it really was, without hyperbole, the best experience of my life. It was a thousand times better than an orgasm. I was peace, love, and joy strapped to a rocket for what felt like twelve hours. At one point I felt like my arms and my left leg dissolved into the universe, and it felt great, and I rooted for the rest of my body to dissolve. I'll work on that. And I ​understand now why Elijah McClain told the cops who were killing him for no reason, “You all are phenomenal. You are beautiful and I love you.”