If you're really obsessed with my life, either see a psychologist or check out Childish Scraps for a look at bits and pieces of stuff that I wrote prior to middle school.
The Apple Book
Made in first grade, this was meant to be the most complete and authoritative book ever on apples. And it would have been, if I'd ever completed it. The first page there must have been written and illustrated by someone else, but darned if I have any idea who.
Jack was clearly inspired by Theodore as described by Santa in "A Chipmunk Christmas". I learned the word "pessimist" from an Uncle Wiggily story and the word "coincidence" from Lego Island 2.
Birdie and the Beast
This story was finished, but the remainder of it is evidently lost forever. Sorry about that.
Bouncers, Whoppers, & Taradiddles
In elementary school I was taught how to lie for entertainment purposes. To this day I use this skill in my blog (just kidding).
Factchers were my ripoff of Pokémon (explored in more detail here) and Fyarego, Myjerio and Fod were three of them who had godlike powers (Fod, in fact, was just "God" with one letter changed). For some reason I don't remember, this story had at least some of the Factchers as the offspring of "Mrs. Factcher", but that was not actually a part of the Factcher canon. Now, allow me to teach you some things about reproduction that you probably never knew before.
Math Blaster Mystery
A little story based on the characters from Math Blaster Episode I: In Search of Spot, except that I left out Spot, got Blasternaut confused with a guy named Rave who appears in some different Math Blaster games, and took the liberty of naming the yellow three-eyed trash alien "Greezok" because come on, no one just calls himself "the yellow three-eyed trash alien". I apologize that toward the end this story gets not merely stupid but kind of disturbing as well. What can I say? I had issues.
The Coyote and the Fly
For a class assignment to write a story with a moral in it.
The Mystery of the Stolen Gumdrop Cookies
I had a little plush of Reptar from the show "Rugrats", and I named him Cerebone and made him a detective. This story was a fourth grade school project and the only one that made it outside my imagination. Some plot ideas may or may not have been plagiarized from a Cam Jansen story.
Why the Planets are Separate
Poor Pluto. First it was a region, then it got upgraded to a planet, and now it's just whatever. Showing my age here, eh? The phrase "in the time before time" was taken from Bionicle's description of Mata Nui.
Tristan Saves Christmas (Or, Santa's Other Disaster)
We had to choose a story prompt and write a story from it, so that's where the first two sentences came from. Evidently Tristan had learned to stop being a pessimist and take charge of his own circumstances by now. Unfortunately, the conclusion of this story has been lost. Spoiler alert: everyone died.
A romance set in space. Never finished. It was an assignment for Music class in seventh grad, to set a story to some classical music piece about unrequited love that I don't remember, and then for some reason I had to abandon it and do a normal story.