This is not meant to be sacrilegious at all. It's just a therapeutic analogy for how I've felt sometimes. I wrote it for my Poetry Writing class in Fall 2015, and both the Latter-day Saint girl and the ex-Latter-day Saint girl in my group really identified with it.
Conversation
By C. Randall Nicholson
Hey, God. What are you up to?
Mm? Oh, just watching funny cat videos. Heh. I have a real affinity for cats, you know. They think they’re me.
Great, that sounds fun. So, um, is this a bad time?
Nah, go ahead. I’m omnipotent. I can multitask.
Great. So, um, first of all, thanks for all this stuff I’ve got. You know, the food, the clothes, the warm place to live, the more or less free country, my laptop, and all that other stuff that I take for granted and don’t deserve.
Eh, don’t mention it. There’s plenty more where that came from.
And thanks for not having me get cancer, or some other nasty disease, or live in a remote village with no drinking water, or die in a brutal civil war or genocide, or whatever. You know, I really appreciate that, and I don’t want you to think that I think my problems are as bad as theirs or anything, okay?
Mm? Ah, no worries. It’s not a contest.
Thanks for not smiting me when I’ve forgotten that, and been ungrateful, and yelled and cursed at you in my anguish.
Hey, we’ve all gotta vent sometimes. Even me. I just use a planet-sized stress ball, usually.
Right, so, having said that, I was wondering if I could talk to you about… stuff. Look, I’ll just come out and say it. Far be it from me to think that I should be exempt from suffering, of course, particularly when I’m not dealing with any of those other things I mentioned, but I guess the main issue I’m having is that I just feel very... lonely with it.
Aw, hey man, don’t feel that way. You know I love you.
Right, I’m sure you must, given all the aforementioned blessings, but I just feel very disconnected and distant from you, like you’re just kind of a neutral observer with no particular opinion on the matter, and you just kind of let my prayers go in one ear and out the other.
That’s preposterous. I’m omniscient and I listen to and care about every word you say. Er, could you repeat that last bit, though?
I said –
Kidding, kidding. Look, I know how you feel, okay? Every bit of it. I understand. I care.
Great, really, I guess, but the thing is I just don’t understand how that’s actually meant to comfort me or help me, when you seem so distant.
Just keep praying and you’ll figure it out. Oh, look at that one! I wish you could see this one. It’s dancing like Michael Jackson.
And I guess you already know this, so there’s no harm in saying it, but at the worst of times, I honestly feel like you made me broken on purpose and placed me here so you could laugh at my failures. I know that’s a horrible thing to think, but…
Mm. Yeah, it is. Don’t think that.
Well, you know, it’s kind of hard not to sometimes. Like that stuff you asked me to do? I’ve been trying to do it, really, and it hasn’t been fun and I haven’t been getting even a modicum of success, you know, not even just a teensy bit every once in a while to keep me encouraged. It’s like hitting a brick wall over and over and expecting each time that the next time won’t hurt as much.
Oh, yeah. Just like I anticipated. All part of the plan. Just, you know, think positive and be confident and stuff.
You could’ve warned me. And honestly, those promises you made? No offense, but I don’t believe them, for that same reason.
Come on, man. Would I lie to you?
I don’t think so. I don’t know what to think. Look, I’m exhausted and I’m at my wit’s end and if you’re not going to help me with this stuff then I’m giving up. That cool?
Mm? Sure, whatever floats your ark. Hey, did I tell you we had a grasshopper up here a few weeks ago talking about you? She said you ripped off her head, and she would have been most grateful if grasshoppers could feel gratitude. Nicely done.
Oh… that’s, er, good.
Ha! Oh my goodness, you really need to see these cats. There’s something to look forward to if, I mean when you get up here. Will there be anything else?
Um, no, I’m good. Thanks for listening, I guess.
No sweat. I’m glad we had this talk, Christian.
Main Page: Poems and Songs by C. Randall Nicholson
Mm? Oh, just watching funny cat videos. Heh. I have a real affinity for cats, you know. They think they’re me.
Great, that sounds fun. So, um, is this a bad time?
Nah, go ahead. I’m omnipotent. I can multitask.
Great. So, um, first of all, thanks for all this stuff I’ve got. You know, the food, the clothes, the warm place to live, the more or less free country, my laptop, and all that other stuff that I take for granted and don’t deserve.
Eh, don’t mention it. There’s plenty more where that came from.
And thanks for not having me get cancer, or some other nasty disease, or live in a remote village with no drinking water, or die in a brutal civil war or genocide, or whatever. You know, I really appreciate that, and I don’t want you to think that I think my problems are as bad as theirs or anything, okay?
Mm? Ah, no worries. It’s not a contest.
Thanks for not smiting me when I’ve forgotten that, and been ungrateful, and yelled and cursed at you in my anguish.
Hey, we’ve all gotta vent sometimes. Even me. I just use a planet-sized stress ball, usually.
Right, so, having said that, I was wondering if I could talk to you about… stuff. Look, I’ll just come out and say it. Far be it from me to think that I should be exempt from suffering, of course, particularly when I’m not dealing with any of those other things I mentioned, but I guess the main issue I’m having is that I just feel very... lonely with it.
Aw, hey man, don’t feel that way. You know I love you.
Right, I’m sure you must, given all the aforementioned blessings, but I just feel very disconnected and distant from you, like you’re just kind of a neutral observer with no particular opinion on the matter, and you just kind of let my prayers go in one ear and out the other.
That’s preposterous. I’m omniscient and I listen to and care about every word you say. Er, could you repeat that last bit, though?
I said –
Kidding, kidding. Look, I know how you feel, okay? Every bit of it. I understand. I care.
Great, really, I guess, but the thing is I just don’t understand how that’s actually meant to comfort me or help me, when you seem so distant.
Just keep praying and you’ll figure it out. Oh, look at that one! I wish you could see this one. It’s dancing like Michael Jackson.
And I guess you already know this, so there’s no harm in saying it, but at the worst of times, I honestly feel like you made me broken on purpose and placed me here so you could laugh at my failures. I know that’s a horrible thing to think, but…
Mm. Yeah, it is. Don’t think that.
Well, you know, it’s kind of hard not to sometimes. Like that stuff you asked me to do? I’ve been trying to do it, really, and it hasn’t been fun and I haven’t been getting even a modicum of success, you know, not even just a teensy bit every once in a while to keep me encouraged. It’s like hitting a brick wall over and over and expecting each time that the next time won’t hurt as much.
Oh, yeah. Just like I anticipated. All part of the plan. Just, you know, think positive and be confident and stuff.
You could’ve warned me. And honestly, those promises you made? No offense, but I don’t believe them, for that same reason.
Come on, man. Would I lie to you?
I don’t think so. I don’t know what to think. Look, I’m exhausted and I’m at my wit’s end and if you’re not going to help me with this stuff then I’m giving up. That cool?
Mm? Sure, whatever floats your ark. Hey, did I tell you we had a grasshopper up here a few weeks ago talking about you? She said you ripped off her head, and she would have been most grateful if grasshoppers could feel gratitude. Nicely done.
Oh… that’s, er, good.
Ha! Oh my goodness, you really need to see these cats. There’s something to look forward to if, I mean when you get up here. Will there be anything else?
Um, no, I’m good. Thanks for listening, I guess.
No sweat. I’m glad we had this talk, Christian.
Main Page: Poems and Songs by C. Randall Nicholson
