Main Page: Anti-Mormonism
The Cult Quiz
Adapted from an old blog post of March 6, 2012. Originally prefaced with, "Sometimes I still go to anti-Mormon websites. I know I shouldn't, but I find them so sad they're hilarious." And then for some reason I don't remember, I commented on it myself ten days later and said, "Hi, I just found your blog on Google and I love it! This post is especially hilarious and I agree that anti-Mormons are really stupid. You must be a genius. Someday the world will appreciate your talents. Until then, keep persevering." A decade later, even after having left The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I still feel that the pejorative "cult" is imprecise and unhelpful.
Dictionary.com defines a cult primarily as "1. a particular system of religious worship, especially with reference to its rites and ceremonies, and 2. an instance of great veneration of a person, ideal, or thing, especially as manifested by a body of admirers." Obviously this definition covers most religions and many fandoms.
Militant atheists define a cult as "any religion that's small and weird enough for us to make fun of with even more impunity than usual."
Evangelical countercultists define a cult as "any denomination that's too different from any of ours and poses a threat to our growth."
But of course, that's not what they'll tell you. They'll make up some definition that is specifically tailored toward Latter-day Saints, Jehovah's Witnesses, Seventh-day Adventists, and Catholics and Muslims too if they're feeling ambitious. For example, this quiz comes from a book called "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan and is repeated on many websites. Since I have yet to discover a legitimate "cult expert" with a degree in cultology or something, I have no reason to believe he didn't just pull the quiz out of his butt. Still, I'll be a good sport about it. Such a good sport that I'll even play along with their little game by using only yes or no answers, even though all of the questions are deliberately too vague for that. Without further ado:
Do you belong to an organisation [sic, must be British] that
- has lots of meetings? yes
- keeps you so busy you don't have time to think? no
- has an infallible leader? no
- expects purity? yes
- has rigid principles? yes
- expects confessions? yes
- speaks a cliché-ridden language? yes
- is at odds with the world? yes
- has simple answers to most of life's questions? yes
- makes you feel secure? yes
- makes you feel more special than non-members? no
- frowns on expressions of doubts? no
- claims absolute truth? yes
- expects significant financial contributions? no
- is reluctant to allow you to leave? yes
- controls information about its own history? no
- always says you are free to choose? yes
Oops, too many "yes" answers. Obviously I'm in a cult, because this quiz says so and this quiz is an indisputable authority on cults. I'd better leave before it's too late. Or I could take it again, my way.
Do you belong to an organisation that
- has lots of meetings? This is a subjective measure. Many people would consider going to church outside of Christmas and Easter to be "lots of meetings". But I'll say yes because I know that's the answer they're looking for. We have two-hour (formerly three-hour) meetings almost every Sunday, usually one-hour youth meetings on Wednesdays, often other activities, additional meetings that vary in length and number for different callings, and General Conferences twice a year that take up much of the weekend (but I'm not complaining, I love it).
- keeps you so busy you don't have time to think? No, I think a lot. My own thoughts have been my most constant companions over the years and I think I'd notice if they left. Of course, a bishop or something is a lot busier than me, but enough bishops have left the Church after reading critical material that I'd say they're fully capable of thinking.
- has an infallible leader? No. No person except Jesus is infallible, silly. Some Saints may think otherwise but they're wrong. (Other cult definitions refer to a "charismatic" leader. No offense, but last time I checked most LDS prophets and apostles didn't have charisma as their strongest trait. Joseph Smith reportedly did, but somehow I doubt that made much difference to the thousands of Europeans who converted to the Church of Jesus Christ and emigrated to the U.S. without ever having seen him, or to the modern converts who've never seen him because he's, you know, dead.)
- expects purity? Yes, but not perfection, at least not in this lifetime. I know many people hate any effort or sacrifice being expected of them, but no one's making them join our church.
- has rigid principles? If by "rigid" you mean "won't change them to please whiners and be more politically correct", then yes.
- expects confessions? To God, yes, always. For very serious sins, to the bishop. For the rest, it's nobody else's business except the people you need to make restitution to.
- speaks a cliché-ridden language? Latter-day Saints speak several languages. Amount of clichés may vary. Okay, yeah, I dodged the question. Yes, we use a lot of clichés. It's inevitable that really important words get used a lot and lose much of their meaning, but we work on it. Myself, I avoid clichés like the plague.
- is at odds with the world? Yes, because the world is wrong about many things. Apparently one mark of not being in a cult is having an infallible world.
- has simple answers to most of life's questions? Yes, and I'm curious as to how this is a bad thing. Ever heard of "Occam's Razor"? It doesn't apply so well to the idea that the universe is a meaningless accident, or that an all-loving God will damn billions of his children who never heard of Jesus.
- makes you feel secure? Yes, so secure that I've never killed myself. I didn't realize that was a bad thing.
- makes you feel more special than non-members? No, I love and admire a lot of non-members, including (gasp!) ex-members and gay people. Try that on for size. We are taught that all people are children of God which makes us all really special. In Utah and especially Provo, where you have a lot of Saints securely in one place, there are definitely problems sometimes with pride and judgmentalism, but that's human nature.
- frowns on expressions of doubts? Not in my experience. I know some people's bishops and families have been self-righteous jerks about this but I can't honestly say it's happened to me. Of course, there is also a difference between questioning and criticizing. Elder John A. Widtsoe wrote, "Doubt which immediately leads to honest inquiry, and thereby removes itself, is wholesome. But that doubt which feeds and grows upon itself, and, with stubborn indolence, breeds more doubt, is evil."
- claims absolute truth? Yeah, because guess what, the relativity or subjectivity of truth is the most blatant logical fallacy I can conceive of and just one more reason to disregard political correctness. My philosophy professor, Harrison Kleiner, had the guts to teach that and I applaud him.
- expects significant financial contributions? No, I don't think ten percent and the cost of two meals every month is all that "significant", particularly considering the financial blessings I receive in exchange, but a less subjective term would have been helpful.
- is reluctant to allow you to leave? Yeah, of course. But the Church still lets you go if you send in a letter and tell them to. Your family and friends will want you to stay because they love you and don't think you'll be happy if you leave. Maybe you will be, but judging by the website I found this quiz on, I think not.
- controls information about its own history? No, the last time I checked, which was yesterday, you can find anything you want on the Internet about the Church, true or otherwise.
- always says you are free to choose? Yeah, because guess what, we are. And I choose The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
The quiz doesn't take these subtle nuances into account, so according to the self-proclaimed expert I'm still in a cult. Dang it, that was a waste of time. And yet, for some reason, this evangelical says Mormonism isn't a cult. Oh, but he was just forsaking the truth to appease the world, don't you know. Because the world loves Latter-day Saints so much.
P.S. references to "drinking the Kool-Aid" are infantile and brainless and need to stop.
Militant atheists define a cult as "any religion that's small and weird enough for us to make fun of with even more impunity than usual."
Evangelical countercultists define a cult as "any denomination that's too different from any of ours and poses a threat to our growth."
But of course, that's not what they'll tell you. They'll make up some definition that is specifically tailored toward Latter-day Saints, Jehovah's Witnesses, Seventh-day Adventists, and Catholics and Muslims too if they're feeling ambitious. For example, this quiz comes from a book called "Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steven Hassan and is repeated on many websites. Since I have yet to discover a legitimate "cult expert" with a degree in cultology or something, I have no reason to believe he didn't just pull the quiz out of his butt. Still, I'll be a good sport about it. Such a good sport that I'll even play along with their little game by using only yes or no answers, even though all of the questions are deliberately too vague for that. Without further ado:
Do you belong to an organisation [sic, must be British] that
- has lots of meetings? yes
- keeps you so busy you don't have time to think? no
- has an infallible leader? no
- expects purity? yes
- has rigid principles? yes
- expects confessions? yes
- speaks a cliché-ridden language? yes
- is at odds with the world? yes
- has simple answers to most of life's questions? yes
- makes you feel secure? yes
- makes you feel more special than non-members? no
- frowns on expressions of doubts? no
- claims absolute truth? yes
- expects significant financial contributions? no
- is reluctant to allow you to leave? yes
- controls information about its own history? no
- always says you are free to choose? yes
Oops, too many "yes" answers. Obviously I'm in a cult, because this quiz says so and this quiz is an indisputable authority on cults. I'd better leave before it's too late. Or I could take it again, my way.
Do you belong to an organisation that
- has lots of meetings? This is a subjective measure. Many people would consider going to church outside of Christmas and Easter to be "lots of meetings". But I'll say yes because I know that's the answer they're looking for. We have two-hour (formerly three-hour) meetings almost every Sunday, usually one-hour youth meetings on Wednesdays, often other activities, additional meetings that vary in length and number for different callings, and General Conferences twice a year that take up much of the weekend (but I'm not complaining, I love it).
- keeps you so busy you don't have time to think? No, I think a lot. My own thoughts have been my most constant companions over the years and I think I'd notice if they left. Of course, a bishop or something is a lot busier than me, but enough bishops have left the Church after reading critical material that I'd say they're fully capable of thinking.
- has an infallible leader? No. No person except Jesus is infallible, silly. Some Saints may think otherwise but they're wrong. (Other cult definitions refer to a "charismatic" leader. No offense, but last time I checked most LDS prophets and apostles didn't have charisma as their strongest trait. Joseph Smith reportedly did, but somehow I doubt that made much difference to the thousands of Europeans who converted to the Church of Jesus Christ and emigrated to the U.S. without ever having seen him, or to the modern converts who've never seen him because he's, you know, dead.)
- expects purity? Yes, but not perfection, at least not in this lifetime. I know many people hate any effort or sacrifice being expected of them, but no one's making them join our church.
- has rigid principles? If by "rigid" you mean "won't change them to please whiners and be more politically correct", then yes.
- expects confessions? To God, yes, always. For very serious sins, to the bishop. For the rest, it's nobody else's business except the people you need to make restitution to.
- speaks a cliché-ridden language? Latter-day Saints speak several languages. Amount of clichés may vary. Okay, yeah, I dodged the question. Yes, we use a lot of clichés. It's inevitable that really important words get used a lot and lose much of their meaning, but we work on it. Myself, I avoid clichés like the plague.
- is at odds with the world? Yes, because the world is wrong about many things. Apparently one mark of not being in a cult is having an infallible world.
- has simple answers to most of life's questions? Yes, and I'm curious as to how this is a bad thing. Ever heard of "Occam's Razor"? It doesn't apply so well to the idea that the universe is a meaningless accident, or that an all-loving God will damn billions of his children who never heard of Jesus.
- makes you feel secure? Yes, so secure that I've never killed myself. I didn't realize that was a bad thing.
- makes you feel more special than non-members? No, I love and admire a lot of non-members, including (gasp!) ex-members and gay people. Try that on for size. We are taught that all people are children of God which makes us all really special. In Utah and especially Provo, where you have a lot of Saints securely in one place, there are definitely problems sometimes with pride and judgmentalism, but that's human nature.
- frowns on expressions of doubts? Not in my experience. I know some people's bishops and families have been self-righteous jerks about this but I can't honestly say it's happened to me. Of course, there is also a difference between questioning and criticizing. Elder John A. Widtsoe wrote, "Doubt which immediately leads to honest inquiry, and thereby removes itself, is wholesome. But that doubt which feeds and grows upon itself, and, with stubborn indolence, breeds more doubt, is evil."
- claims absolute truth? Yeah, because guess what, the relativity or subjectivity of truth is the most blatant logical fallacy I can conceive of and just one more reason to disregard political correctness. My philosophy professor, Harrison Kleiner, had the guts to teach that and I applaud him.
- expects significant financial contributions? No, I don't think ten percent and the cost of two meals every month is all that "significant", particularly considering the financial blessings I receive in exchange, but a less subjective term would have been helpful.
- is reluctant to allow you to leave? Yeah, of course. But the Church still lets you go if you send in a letter and tell them to. Your family and friends will want you to stay because they love you and don't think you'll be happy if you leave. Maybe you will be, but judging by the website I found this quiz on, I think not.
- controls information about its own history? No, the last time I checked, which was yesterday, you can find anything you want on the Internet about the Church, true or otherwise.
- always says you are free to choose? Yeah, because guess what, we are. And I choose The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
The quiz doesn't take these subtle nuances into account, so according to the self-proclaimed expert I'm still in a cult. Dang it, that was a waste of time. And yet, for some reason, this evangelical says Mormonism isn't a cult. Oh, but he was just forsaking the truth to appease the world, don't you know. Because the world loves Latter-day Saints so much.
P.S. references to "drinking the Kool-Aid" are infantile and brainless and need to stop.
Main Page: Anti-Mormonism
