Me: *sobs uncontrollably*
Bystander: I know, it's always hard to lose a loved one...
Me: No, I'm crying because my genetic material created something that stupid.
Actually, this is implausible because, like I said. my teenager would most likely be adopted. Anyway, on to the main portion of our program. How good it feels to be returning to school nearly three years after I was supposed to graduate. How good it feels to still see some familiar faces from a year and a half ago or more. The man whom I may have to kill if he turns out to be a better writer than me. The woman who always looks like she's wincing from a terrible pun. The man whom I never spoke with in the previous class we were in together but who now wants to be best friends. The woman who - wait, is that her, or is it a sister or something? She looks slightly different... I can't tell... The man with long, silky, flawless, sexuality-confusing hair. And so on and so forth. Here is an edge-of-your-seat-thrilling rundown of the classes I'm taking this semester. I'm already far busier than any semester before and it looks like homework is going to be my primary hobby six days a week for the next four months. I attracted a few stares in the bookstore as I shuffled to the register with my literally twenty books.
Bookstore Worker: Do you need help finding anything?
Me (out loud): No thank you.
Me (not out loud): I know how the alphabet works, thanks.
And also, every class requires participation as part of the grade.
Me: It reminds me of "Shrek" because he said ogres are like onions and they have layers...
Professor: Ha, so you're saying [intellectual articulate stuff].
Unveiling the Anthropocene
We watched an hour and a half National Geographic documentary called "The Story of Earth". I was riveted. I knew many of these facts, of course, and had read a ton about dinosaurs, but to see the whole thing animated from start to finish was a new and enrapturing experience. The British narrator's pronunciations were occasionally a bit jarring, though. In his mouth algea was "AL-gee" and methane was "MEE-thane". I have to wonder, in a class like this, how many students are Mormons and how many of those Mormons are resisting what they're hearing because they don't believe in evolution. And I wonder how many are conservatives and how many of those conservatives are resisting what they're hearing because they don't believe in climate change. I didn't believe in either of those things when I took my first college biology class but I put aside my biases and listened to the material anyway and here I am now.
Survey of American Culture
John Mellencamp - Our Country
Tracy Chapman - Fast Car
Kendrick Lamar - FEEL.
Literature of the Early Americas
Advanced Fiction Writing
Student: This part where the funny sidekick animal says 'He just needs an axe to the face' is kind of dark.
Me: Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way.
We talk about all kinds of literary techniques - the aforementioned onion thing, for example, and stuff like facades and icebergs where people don't say what they mean or prove themselves to be unreliable narrators when you read between the lines. Putting this into practice may prove challenging for an Aspie. The closest I've come to understanding real people in this regard is to just assume they're lying most of the time. One student gave Drumpf's tweets as an example of facade. When he calls himself a "stable genius", you kind of get the opposite impression. "I'm not making a political statement, I just find it fascinating," he said. No, I get it. Drumpf's lack of character, morals or intelligence is hardly a political issue. Plot twist: Drumpf really is the greatest genius the world has ever known and the rest of us just aren't smart enough to see it. Getting back on topic...
This is of course the most exciting class because it relates most directly to what I want to do with my life. And, uncoincidentally, it's also the class that most makes me suddenly feel like not such a great writer after all. So it looks like it's going to be awesome and hellish at the same time. Which will probably also describe the whole semester.