My Recent Encounter with an Old Homeless Man

I recently discovered a Smith's grocery store the same distance from my apartment as the other two Smith's grocery stores I've been to, but I can get there 20% faster because it's in a quieter part of town and most of the intersections between here and there don't have traffic lights. The other evening, I was leaving the store with four grocery bags, and an old homeless man on a bike with a trailer full of stuff called out to me as I passed him. I managed to hear him over my headphones. He was like, "That looks like a heavy load." I was like, "Yeah. It's fine, I need the exercise," which is true, and I kept walking before he could make me feel guilty for having no cash to give him, although frankly, homeless people usually ask me for a cigarette or a light instead. He kept talking, so I paused my music because my heart is too big. He asked how far I had to go. I had a mile and a half to go, but I rounded down to a mile so it wouldn't sound like a big deal, but it wasn't. No dice. He wanted me to hang my bags from his trailer so he could help me carry them. He promised not to ride off with them. I wasn't worried about that, since I could have caught him and kicked his ass pretty easily, but I just wanted to be left alone with my music. I agreed to let him help me because my heart is too big.

He was slow and cautious, always maneuvering and looking back to make sure my bags didn't scrape against signs or anything. Spoiler alert, letting him help took over twice as long as carrying the bags myself. But I didn't get impatient because I knew I was doing an important thing. He told me right off about how much he loves to help people and how he needs to be better about letting people help him because he deprives them of happiness when he doesn't. He told me all about his daughters and his adventure pretending to be his friend's lawyer and getting yelled at by a judge. He said he'd been homeless for eight years, since his wife divorced him. He said the worst parts about being homeless are how the cops treat you and how citizens treat you. He said being homeless is awful, and he wouldn't wish it on his worst enemy, but it's interesting. He said he was finally motivated to try to get into housing because his best friend had made him realize how many loved ones he'd dragged down with him. He asked if I'd ever been homeless. I said no, and didn't mention that I would have been multiple times if not for other people's generosity because I thought that might make him feel bad about not being the recipient of such generosity. He said most people don't realize they're only two or three paychecks away from homelessness. I, for one, am acutely and frequently aware of that. But yeah, most people in this country are still under the delusion that they can become rich if they work hard.

By the time we got to my place, I felt very bad for telling him it was a mile. I offered him a box of crackers from my groceries because how could I not, but he just wanted something cold to drink. I got him some strawberry lemonade from my fridge. Before we parted ways, he talked about God, said he'd let his daughters make their own religious decisions, and now one of them is LDS, one is a born-again Christian, one is agnostic, and one is atheist. I gathered that he was an agnostic, too. I mentioned that I don't have the same beliefs about God as most people here, but I didn't get a chance to explain the "We're all part of God" thing. Anyway, I don't know how to shape this into an engaging story, and I don't mean to be like "Look, I'm so generous" or "Hey guys, I learned that homeless people are people," but this was an impactful experience for me, so I wanted to write about it. I'm glad I was open to it. I won't apologize for leading a solitary existence or having my music on most of the time (though I won't for a few days, since my phone broke this morning), but in this instance, giving this man my time and letting him help me was the right thing to do. His name was Kevin. I hope he gets into housing and has a great rest of his life. I'm not optimistic, given that the Republican platform is basically "Fuck the poor" and they're driving us into a massive recession, if not a second Great Depression, but... well, there's no but. I'm not optimistic. At least he has a positive attitude and a beautiful heart.