Blog Archives

Three Deaths

27/4/2025

Pope Francis coincidentally died the day after a meeting with the anti-Christ's vice president. Trump was upset that the funeral wasn't about him, and so was everyone else. The late Pope was one of the earliest cracks in my Mormon testimony because I found him far more inspiring than my "prophet," Thomas S. Monson. I was not very impressed with Monson's stories and platitudes. I think Francis revolutionized the culture of Catholicism in positive ways, if not the actual teachings, but I'm no expert on that. I have one hardcore Catholic Facebook friend. I added him years ago because he said he was trying to build bridges between Catholics and Mormons. It turned out he actually was trying to convert Mormons, so that was kind of a dick move. Anyway, I sometimes see him expressing strong opinions about points of Catholic liturgy or doctrine that I'm quite certain have as much eternal significance as whether Spider-Man could beat Superman, and it's weird, but I'm sure I sounded similar when I talked about Mormon theology that can be directly traced to a nineteenth-century treasure hunter plagiarizing other people's ideas.

I was a little more affected to learn of the death of Deserae Turner-Buck. I talked to her only briefly when I met her in a Mormon Institute of Religion class almost four years ago, but she was semi-famous for surviving attempted murder via gunshot to the head. She had health problems and a reduced life expectancy, but she wasn't supposed to die at age 22. She had stomach cancer and a lung infection. I have no idea whether those can somehow be traced to getting shot in the head or are just incredibly unlucky coincidences. In her final interview, she said she was tired, had chosen not to fight, and wanted to let her body go. "Death is scary, not gonna lie. Everybody is scared of death, and... yes, I guess I am scared a little bit, but I also just want it to come quick, come for me and be done." Damn.

Something I wrote about her in my recent book, Goodbye Mormonism, Hello World, has now been resolved:

[S]he said apostle Ronald A. Rasband had given her a blessing and promised that someday she would regain the use of her left arm. Sometime after I left the LDS Church, I remembered that and realized with horror that she probably never will regain the use of her left arm, and she might well lie on her deathbed wondering what she did to disqualify herself from that promised blessing. Maybe she’ll rationalize that Rasband was talking about the next life, where complete healing was already a given, rendering the blessing superfluous."

That, I'm sure, is how any still believing Mormons who know about this blessing will rationalize its lack of results. If you think that sounds like a really lame copout, you are so right.

My dog, Milo, died over eight years ago. I wish I could have been with him at the time. On Tuesday morning I had a dream about him. I believe this dream was influenced by the spiritual things I study and by getting the best high of my life on an empty stomach on Sunday evening, so its real world significance is up for debate. I'd like to think his consciousness was literally visiting mine, but I won't know anytime soon. Basically, in the dream, I realized that Milo wasn't dead, he was right here. We were on beautiful forested hills above a lake. I stayed pretty stationary while he romped all over the place and peed on things. Some other guy (whom I want to believe was some kind of spirit guide) was there with a rabbit. I couldn't describe the guy if my life depended on it, but the rabbit was big and shaggy and the same colors as Milo (brown and black). I kept expecting Milo to chase it, but he left it alone. Then he pooped in the lake, and then he went right behind me to shake himself off. My first reaction was annoyance that he had all this space and chose to shake himself off on me, but it quickly gave way to amusement. And then I realized my back actually felt wet. The contrast of this real feeling with the unreality of the dream caught my attention and left an impression on me as I woke up. I was, fortunately, not wet in real life. But I want to believe that feeling proved it was a real experience and not just a random byproduct of firing neurons.

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Politics on Easter? Sure, Why Not?

20/4/2025

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Happy Easter! Today, the most vile, hateful people in the US celebrate the resurrection of a man whom they would have been first in line to crucify. Like all major holidays, I'm spending it at home alone.

Here's the text of a letter I sent last week to the Herald Journal, Cache Valley Daily, and the Utah Statesman. I haven't bothered to check whether any of them had the cajones to print it because that's out of my hands. I did my part by writing it and sending it.

I am a proud Aggie. I have two degrees from USU, but the most important things I learned there were critical thinking and empathy for people with different experiences from mine. These abilities changed my life in beautiful and profound ways, and as a graduate instructor, teaching them to my own students was my highest priority.

No wonder Republicans hate higher education.

On both the state and federal levels, the party of limited government is mandating what universities can teach, how they can teach, what they can research, whom they can hire, and which constitutionally protected speech they can grant to their students and faculty. The party of personal liberty is demanding that universities promulgate its disdain for marginalized people and its dishonest versions of history and science, or else.

This is textbook fascism, and it’s about as subtle as an exploding train full of glitter and fireworks.

Harvard recently stood up for its rights and set the example that all universities should follow. I call on my alma mater to follow and do everything possible to resist illegal and un-American encroachments on its own academic freedom and its commitment to diversity, equity, and inclusion.

(The acronym sounds less scary when you spell it out, huh?)

I know USU’s students and faculty are more powerful than the weak, incompetent bullies who seek to control them. The short-term costs of resisting fascism will be much less than the long-term damage to higher education if they bow down to it.

In the few days since then, the weak, incompetent bully named Donald Trump has already claimed that his threatening letter to Harvard was sent by mistake. What a pathetic chicken shit. And that's why this regime will fail, probably sooner than later, if Americans stand up for themselves and don't comply in advance. I bet the president of Columbia University feels really stupid right now.

A more pressing issue, of course, is the regime defying the Supreme Court and sending brown people to a foreign concentration camp with no due process. And a lot of white Americans seem fully on board with that. A lot of fascists are taking off their libertarian masks as fast as they can. These people, being as stupid as they are racist (not by coincidence), can't comprehend that if "illegal violent criminals" aren't entitled to due process, all the regime has to do is claim they're illegal violent criminals, and then they can't prove that they're not because they have no due process. A toddler should be able to understand this. In fairness, though, some of these fascist idiots are Russian bots trying to stir up the real fascist idiots.

But yeah, I'm really glad I found a progressive church where I don't have to worship alongside trash like this anymore. And either I'm going to hell or they are, so I won't have to put up with them after this life either. (I'm being snarky. I don't believe in hell. I'm just saying fuck these people.)

I protested on Wednesday and then, of course, I protested yesterday. I felt like shit yesterday. After a night of indigestion and sleeplessness, I showed up to protest having eaten nothing but Pepto-Bismol. I spent most of the time lying in the grass and wondering if I'd need someone to carry me down the hill. But I had a generic Gatorade equivalent, and it gave me the strength to join the march. Today I feel better but am clearly still sick because I'm not hungry. (I plan to take a Kush Kube this evening, and I'm not sure what it will do to me on a mostly empty stomach, but I hope it will be said of me, "He is risen indeed.") Anyway, protesting isn't usually a sacrifice for me because I live close to the Capitol, I have no family, and my work schedule is entirely self-determined, so I accepted yesterday's suckage as an opportunity to sacrifice more and show how deep my values go.

I only took a couple of pictures after the march ended and most people left - this one because I loved the Nelou Keramat quote so much:

And this one because I love Lamb Chop, the sassy puppet who resides in some of my earliest memories.

In closing, please enjoy this Easter message from the anti-Christ.

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The Latest Stop on Bernie Sanders' Stop Oligarchy Tour (Hint: It Rhymes with Zootah)

13/4/2025

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Last night I finally watched Inside Out 2, which made me cry, but not as much as the first one. It was interesting to see the similarities to a parody script excerpt I swear to God I wrote on my blog several years but can't find now. In it, Riley's head was invaded by triplets named Love, Lust, and Infatuation who were impossible to tell apart. Then Lust said it was his turn to run the controls, and when Joy hesitated, he whipped out a machine gun and reiterated, "I SAID IT'S MY TURN TO RUN THE ****ING CONTROLS." Great stuff. Why don't I work for Pixar?

Tonight I attended Bernie Sanders' Stop Oligarchy rally at the University of Utah just to break my parents' hearts. Being on a college campus again broke my heart a little. It didn't make me too nostalgic, though, because while USU has a few of those hideous modern cube-shaped buildings, UofU campus appears to be entirely covered with them. Give me the old yellow brick buildings any day. Anyway, I was indifferent to Bernie when I first became aware of his existence in 2016. I obviously wasn't going to vote for him, but I didn't despise him for being a socialist because I'd grown up a little since the days my parents made me believe Obama was the Antichrist. Now I regard him as one of this country's greatest heroes of all time. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is phenomenal too. They're leaders with integrity, character, and courage, the opposite of our president in every way. And their views only seem radical in this country because it's so out of touch with the reality that most of the world lives in.

This was one of the coolest experiences of my life. The crowd, the noise, the energy, the music. Even cramming into the train like clowns in a sardine can on the way there - everyone cheered when we reached the stop twenty minutes late - and walking for seven minutes to get to the end of the line added to the experience. It was worth foregoing my usual Sunday evening ritual of Kush Kubes. Though come to think of it, that could have made it even better. I also bought a shirt to make the trip worthwhile because I honestly thought I wouldn't be able to get in. I heard five thousand people weren't.

The five counterprotestors (excluding the poor kid who doesn't know better) looked really stupid next to that crowd pouring in, but none more so than this same jackass I've seen with his creepy AI art four times now. I knew he was several fries short of a combo when he wore a Pope costume while trying to disrupt a pagan gathering at the Capitol, but depicting the richest man in the world as Robin Hood is a level of delusion that shouldn't be humanly possible. I have to wonder if he's a double agent trying to make conservatives look deranged. Buddy, they don't need the help.

I got one picture each of AOC and Bernie. I knew they would suck (the pictures, I mean), and they do suck, but they're my mementos (in addition to the shirt, I mean).

Here I am with some friends from Cache Valley Unitarian Universalists who drove down. Of the pictures that were taken, this one makes my sunburn from sitting in the yard while working on my computer the least obvious.

Speaking of working on the computer, I think my AI training job will get me through the coming economic storms all right. Because I'm not an actual employee, the company can dump me whenever it wants with no explanation, but I should remain in demand as long as I do quality work. And I won't lose my retirement fund to the orange taint's stock market shenanigans because I've never had one. My retirement plan is to die young. This job also gives me the flexibility to attend protests pretty much whenever I want, like the one against the SAVE Act tomorrow and the one against everything on Saturday. With every fiber of my being, I exhort you to join your nearest protest on Saturday if you're able.

Anyway, here's a video of the rally from Bernie's channel, albeit without the opening musical performance by Talia Keys.

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Pictures from the April 5th Protest in Salt Lake

6/4/2025

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I don't feel like writing much about this because I've made my political views well known and written about the experience of protest and futilely encouraged other people to protest several times. I just want to say that, again, but for real this time, my pictures don't do the scale justice. At least 10,000 people were there. Not bad for the same weekend as the Mormons' General Conference, which I'm pleased to say I heard and cared very little about. The next nationwide protests are April 19th. Join them, for Christ's sake.